Thursday, March 13, 2014

I Breathe You In, God by Bryan & Katie Torwalt

When I don't Understand I will Choose YOU

There is a song that I love called "I Breathe You in God" by Brian and Katie Torwait. The chorus says "When I don't understand, I will Choose you. When I don't understand, I will choose to love you God. When I don't understand, I get to choose to love you God." Those words are weighty. Words that I am currently convicted by and in the process of wrestling with right now. Its been a about a year since I have updated this blog, and of course a lot has happened in that time. I will try not to drag this on, but rather try to focus on the health updates, major events in the past year, and how once again God has proven Himself faithful. As you know by reading my blogs in the past, this past year and a half have been the most difficult health-wise. From November 2012 to June 2013 I was the sickest I have been CF-wise and for a while my doctors and I could not figure out what was going on. I was in and out of the hospital constantly with no improvement. In fact my lung function only continued to decrease. In March of 2013 my doctors decided to do a CT of my sinuses and found that I had chronic sinus disease. This was the answer to why I was getting sick so frequently (The infection in my sinuses would continually drain into my lungs, thus infecting them constantly). This was answer to prayer because I knew that this could be fixed to an extent, and that it wasn't that my CF had progressed beyond the point of being treatable. In June 2013, I had sinus surgery to clear everything out and to re-shape the anatomy of my sinuses to make it easier to clear out any build up in the future, thus preventing such frequent CF exacerbations. Since the surgery, I have been SO much better. I have returned to only needing IVs every 4ish months instead of monthly, how it was before the surgery. Who knew sinuses could have such a drastic impact on your quality of life! Boogers can be deadly people! These days I still have to flush my sinuses twice daily and see my ENT every few months to clear out the stuff that is too large or thick for me to blow out myself. Needless to say, I have grown accustom to going to the doctor to have my nose picked and suctioned with large plyers and long probes. I know what you're thinking, you wish you could come with me and have it done too? Yes, yes but I'm afraid its only for VIP members. Too bad. Anyway, some other exciting news is that I graduated college in May 2013 with a Bachelors Degree in Nursing!!! I still can't believe it sometimes. Did God really manage to get me through that? Because it sure was NOT by my strength! I took the NCLEX nursing licensure exam in July and passed! Fast forward and by God's grace and faithfullness, in October I started my job at City of Hope as a nurse on a Hematology floor (i.e. taking care of patients with blood cancers such as Leukemia and Lymphoma). I love it there. It really is my dream job. Things started out a little rocky with having to go back on IV antibiotics during what was supposed to be the first 2 weeks on the floor orienting. But after finishing the IVs I felt a lot better and returned to work to continue my 15 week orientation before being an independent nurse on the floor. I am SO grateful for a wonderful preceptor and managers who and amazingly understanding of my situation. Not having managers that were willing to work with me was a fear and concern that I have had and God completely answered that prayer. I was able to work fairly consistently with my preceptor and only had 2 more weeks to go until I would be on my own as a nurse. In mid February however, I caught some sort of virus that gave me a nasty persistent cough that took me out for 2 weeks. I had a follow up visit with my doctor and he wanted me to take one more week off to increase my breathing treatments to take care of the residual congestion left over from the virus. After a 4 days went by with only feeling worse, I called the CF clinic to give them an update and they decided that the best thing to do would be to go on IV antibiotics again for two weeks. While I know that IV antibiotics are what I need to get better right now, it's a bit discouraging because I feel like my health continually holds me back from doing what I believe God has called me to. Every time I think about the patients at City of Hope my heart longs to be a nurse there, but honestly I don't understand how this is supposed to work. How are Cystic Fibrosis and being a nurse compatible? This is where the choosing to trust God comes in. Choosing to trust HIM even when I don't understand why things are the way they are. Why has God given me a passion to serve sick people, when my own sickness prevents me from doing it fully and could even put me at higher risk of getting sick from others? I love how the song that I referred to in the beginning says "I get to choose to trust you, God." The fact that we have a choice means that there is HOPE. And the fact that we GET to choose is a result of the grace God has poured out on us. Jesus' blood was spilled and He took on sin and death for US which allows us to have access to the Father! This means that we CAN entrust our lives to the trustworthy KING, for His glory! I guess right now I am just struggling to give up that control and understand why God did call me to be a nurse. I know it wasn't purposeless. He has given me this job for this time, so I will keep working until God leads me to a new place, wherever and whenever that might be. On the flip side, every time I go back on IVs, I am reminded where my strength comes from and from Whom my help comes from. Although I don't always understand, I know that we have a God who does, and who has good planned for us. It may not be comfortable, clear or convenient, but its good. Thank you for reading! These are some verses that have brought encouragement to me: "In You, O LORD, do I put my trust. Never let me be put to confusion. Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape. Incline Your ear to me, and save me. Be my strong habitation, where I may continually resort. You have given commandment to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress." - Psalm 71:1-3 "I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold... As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." - Psalm 18:1-2, 30-32

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Our Father gives good gifts

For those of you who read my last blog post from a few days ago, you know that these past 5-6 months have not been easy, I have not felt well at all due to an ongoing Cystic Fibrosis exacerbation that is not responding to IV antibiotics. I wanted to share with you another update about how merciful and good our God is! This past Tuesday was when I went to the doctor and found out that my Pulmonary function tests showed the lowest results I have had. This Thursday I went to my lifegroup/Bible study and they prayed for healing for my body in the name of Jesus. The next day I got up for class as usual and as the day went on I realized that I had a lot more energy than I have had, I didn't feel as congested, and my body didn't ache. I wondered if God was up to something, but I also know that some days with CF are better than others so I told myself we will see how I feel the next few days. The next morning I woke up and took a breath and was surprised when I did not crackle or gurgle with congestion, my breath was clear and deep. I got up and tried to cough up my usual large amount of mucus (sorry for the icky details)...these past few months I have needed to cough up multiple tissues full of gunk in the morning and throughout the day. These past few days...hardly anything. I have energy, and no more body aches or heaviness in my chest! I still have symptoms of CF, but the exacerbation symptoms that have been here for nearly 6 months are finally gone! Jesus is way better and more effective than medicine!! Though I am not completely healed, I believe God healed me of this exacerbation, and I am so overwhelmingly grateful! A few things I want to note... First, while I know my lifegroup praying over me was a huge part of this, I also want to thank everyone else who was praying for me. Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my blog post on facebook. I know your prayers and the faithful prayers of others were definitely part of it. I also want to add that this was not the first time I was prayed for. Many many times have people from my church, my friends, and my family prayed for healing over the years and most times nothing results. I know that God still heard those prayers though. HIS timing is perfect. Sometimes we are not healed, not everyone is meant to be. BUT Jesus did promise us that He will never leave us and that though there will be troubles in this world, He has overcome it through the cross and we can have hope! Christ gives us hope of eternal life, free of suffering! I would like to write a blog post on suffering and theological thoughts on it sometime soon. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 "3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us." This experience has reminded me of God's faithfulness and encouraged me about nursing. I am reminded that He will make me able to do whatever it is He is calling me to, nursing included. I also have realized that while feeling well now is wonderful, that I will not always feel well...none of us will. My body will eventually fail me. All of our bodies will eventually fail us. Our earthly bodies were not meant to last forever. This world is broken and fallen and suffering is part of it. In God's kingdom though, we will have new bodies. I am reminded that though the gift of healing is overwhelmingly wonderful, even better is the gift of forgiveness and life that we have through Jesus! 2 Corinthians 5:1-9 For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.[f] 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. 6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. 10 For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. I know there are so many different beliefs and religions today, but I urge you, if you don't know Jesus, before you dismiss Him, remember that He has not dismissed you and loves you just as you are, even in your worst state. He created you and He loves you. The Bible's manuscripts are proved to be reliable. There is no doubt that Jesus existed. The question is whether or not Jesus was God like He said He was. He could not have been just a "good teacher"; He was either God or crazy. I believe there is much more evidence to suggest that He was who He said He was - God incarnate. Jesus conquered death and lives in heaven at the right hand of God! He is the only god who is ALIVE! Sorry for the tangent, I just wanted to share the awesome news, and remind you that God is still just as alive and powerful today as 2000 years ago, and He still hears our prayers! Love you guys!

Friday, March 22, 2013

Trusting in The Faithful God

It is March 2013. I graduate college in 2 months! I will be a nurse soon. I am excited, terrified, discouraged and yet know I must preserver because God is bigger than my problems and He has plans for me. These past few months have been the hardest yet in terms of health.
November 2012 I went to my doctor not feeling my best, my Pulmonary Function Test were actually not that  bad, but my dr though it would be best to catch anything early and go on IV antibiotics before the holidays came. During this appointment I was told that my insurance had a lifetime limit that was almost used up. I would not have enough left on my plan to get me through another hospital stay. This was, as you can imagine,  quite a shock. My insurance has just stopped helping...I thought to myself, "can they really just tell me I can't go into the hospital when I need to go in?" Thank God my parents have Kaiser insurance and I am on their plan, and thankfully Kaiser has a CF clinic in LA. So I ended up being admitted through Kaiser LA ER for that hospital stay. I felt better soon after being on the antibiotics. I went home to finish up the second week. After being done with the antibiotics for 2-3 weeks I started feeling sick again. At my follow up visit my lung function was at 49%, less than it was before I went into the hospital.  My dr told me to come back in a month and we would go from there. Finishing the semester and having some time at home helped some, but by mid January I was not feeling well at all. I was hoping that by increasing my breathing treatments I would feel better and avoid going into the hospital again. The first week of February classes began and I was feeling  even worse. By the end of the first week I developed a fever. That was what I needed in order to realize I needed to call my doctor.  I was admitted that night. An x-ray showed that I had right sided pneumonia. It was a good thing I went it when I did. This was my first time ever having pneumonia, and it was not too fun I might add. I also must add that it has been quite stretching to be going to a new CF center that is newer and not as experienced as USC. Don't get me wrong, everyone is really nice, but there is just a big difference from USC. This has forced me to trust God in a new way. I have realized that ultimately it is God who is in control of my healthcare and no matter what doctor is treating me, God is behind everything. So though it is often frustrating, I am learning to trust God with all aspects of my health and life. 
I finished this last round of IV antibiotics mid February for the pneumonia. I felt a lot better when I was on the IVs, but within a couple weeks I felt sick again. It has now been about a month since I have been off of the antibiotics and I am feeling worse than I have felt in a long time. It seems this has been the same pattern since November. I recently went back to USC, just for a clinic visit, to get another opinion and set of eyes to hopefully see something that has been overlooked. My lung capacity this visit was at 47%, and all my other numbers (small airways...etc have all gone down. I was looking at my history since I have been at USC starting in Jan 2010, and my results are the lowest they have ever been...eeeks) They took a bunch of tests, and I am supposed to go back in a couple weeks for results. So prayers appreciated for that!

These past few months, not surprisingly, have been very discouraging. I have not been consistent with my job at City of Hope since October, and I am finding it really hard to understanding how I am supposed to be a nurse when I feel so sick all the time. On one hand I know that God is faithful and has called me to be a nurse and will provide the job that fits me. On the other hand I don't know how to trust God because I don't see being a nurse in the near future as a realistic thing; or if it is realistic I don't want to trust God because the idea of working full time sounds way too exhausting. I have so many mixed and conflicting feelings. Right now I don't even feel well enough to do simple community nursing activities for a few hours a day.  I have also felt discouraged because I feel like no really gets how I am feeling. CF is hard because on the outside you look fine, but on the inside it looks much different. I feel heavy in my lungs, I am constantly trying to hold back coughing when working with patients so they don't question me, I feel so exhausted that I have to make an effort to concentrate on things, and when I take a break in the bathroom I am coughing up blood tinged mucus and crying. I often feel like no one gets it, no one understands. But last night The Holy Spirit spoke truth to that lie - I was reminded that Jesus knows my/our suffering perfectly. We are not alone in it. He experienced the worst suffering so that we would not have to suffer eternally. I know that this momentary suffering is nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed (Romans 8:18). 

I want to be resolved to trust God in the midst of this; that He is good, in control and faithful. I don't really know what other fancy words to say, I tried some but nothing is coming out right. I guess I would just say that we can live with the confidence that God is constant so that even when our circumstances are discouraging and make it hard to trust, we need to anyway because God's character is still trustworthy, it always has been and always will be. And I know there is joy He brings us in the midst of suffering. God is not easy to explain in words because His goodness and overflowing love is not something humans can fully grasp. He is worthy of all we have to offer. 

Ephesians 3:14-21
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Psalm 31:14-15

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
    saying, “You are my God!”
15 My future is in your hands.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I Don't Have a Impressive Title for this One; Just an Impressive God Who Never Fails Me

    It has been a while since I have written a post on here. Life has been busy and time has flown by so fast. I wanted to write to update my friends and family on not only my health over the past few months, but also on  what I have seen God doing, and how I have learned (and am still learning) what it is to cling to my Savior, through faith, even when I don't see Him doing anything.
    First for the health update. Last November, as my previous post talks about, I was in the hospital for a round of IV antibiotics. Since then, I had been doing very well. I was able to maintain my lung function up where it was when I first got out of the hospital, and I didn't have to miss any school spring semester 2012 for health reasons (Praise God!!). This summer, I gradually began feeling less well. It started with a little more congestion, increased cough, and then waking up in the night coughing more and more. I went to the doctor for a routine appointment and my lung function had decreased some. My doctor told me to increase my treatments to 3 times a day and to come back in a week, where we would decide if I needed IV antibiotics again or not. So, like a good patient, I increased my treatments. After a few days, I went from feeling "blah" to "oh dear goodness, please get me into the hospital!" I developed a persistent, horrible cough, felt completely zapped of energy, and my blood sugars were elevated (indicative of an infection), and after two days of that, I decided to call my doctor to see if he thought I should just go into the hospital then. My doctor agreed that I should come in, so I was admitted the next morning to USC.
    This visit to the hospital was different from the others. Normally, while I don't feel great when I first get to the hospital, I still have enough energy to walk laps around the unit, and feel myself enough to want to escape the building after being there for a couple hours. This time, however, I did not have that energy and I actually wanted to be there because I knew I needed to be. I didn't feel myself. My oxygen saturation while at rest was between 92-95% (while this is not dangerously low, my normal resting is between 97-99%). In addition, I couldn't have a conversation with someone without becoming very short of breath and coughing. When I tried to take a walk around the unit, one lap exhausted me and brought my O2 down to 90% (not favorable). Thankfully within a week of being there I felt a lot better, and was able to gradually do more physical activity without de-satting. After 2 weeks of being on IVs my lung function improved, but still isn't back up to where it was after I was hospitalized last time.
    Currently, I feel better, but not 100%. My blood sugars have been higher than their normal range ever since the hospital, and I can't seem to get them well controlled yet. I am supposed to see my endocrinologist next month about this. In addition, my Allergic Broncho-pulmonary Aspergillosis (aka: allergic reaction to a fungus) has flared up again. This "flare up" causes inflammation and further lung damage if not controlled. This past semester, before going into the hospital, my doctors put me on Prednisone again for it for a couple months. God gave me peace during that. The Prednisone helped some, but not enough. Now my levels are back up. I'm not sure what the plan is yet this time. I'm really sick of Prednisone though, and I pray that my doctors could either find something else that will work, or that God would just heal me of it completely (this is obviously the preferred option). All of these things I would really appreciate prayer for if you feel lead to do so (Lung function, Diabetes and Aspergillosis flare up).
    As far as other life updates, I just started a job at City of Hope as a Patient Care Assistant. I hope to work there through my last year of nursing school. I love it. It can be physically and emotionally hard work, but I am enjoying it a lot so far at least. Another example of God's perfect timing is that my orientation for this job started the day after finishing my IV antibiotics. God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. The job itself was a gift from God and I went through a lot of opposition to get there. I don't want to write too much, but lets just say that I am experiencing what it is really like to be a health care provider with a chronic illness and peoples' reactions to that. God is good though, and no matter what area of nursing I end up in, and regardless of my career at all, I know God is faithful and wherever He leads, I know He will have the glory and He has blessings for me in it.

    This past year or so has been hard in almost every aspect. I have been frustrated with myself because I see my faith lacking in many areas, and my soul is weary and timid. I have lacked boldness in proclaiming the gospel to others. With these things said, I think God, in His grace, has used this time to break me of myself (by this I mean my need to present myself to others as "has it together Christian" and having pride in myself as a result). What Christian really has it together anyway? By calling oneself a Christian isn't that insinuating that we acknowledge our brokenness and need for a Savior? Not one of us on this earth "has it all together" - including myself. I have clung to the truth that God is Sovereign, Good, All-powerful and Unchanging, and that's enough. Even when I don't hear Him or see Him doing huge things in my life, by faith, I can still trust that He is in control, sovereign over all things, and has a good plan for my life. I don't have anything amazing to say; nothing to point to my own righteousness, because the only thing good in me is HIM - Jesus Christ. HE robes me with righteousness and life ( Isaiah 61:10). May this blog point to HIM who is able to bring life to the dead, healing to the broken, and hope to those without it. Its not about me, we are all on this journey together, I just pray that you would realize that there is a living and holy God who loves you and who desires to walk with you (and carry you when needed) through this life.
Thank you for reading.

  Psalm 31:14-15
"But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands."


Saturday, November 12, 2011

The reality is HE designed us to be dependent on HIM

Dependence is such a foreign concept to most people today, and to many it has a negative connotation. And yet, we were all created to be desperately dependent on God, our Creator. By His word, we have life each day, He breathes life into our lungs both physically and spiritually. His grace is the only reason you and I are taking a breath right now.

This has been a rough year health-wise. Since the beginning of this year I have not really felt like my normal self in regards to my lungs. For the first half of the year I felt off, but my PFTs (pulmonary function tests) consistently showed that I was doing fine. They just didn't seem to match up. This summer my doctors put me on oral Cipro (an antibiotic) to see if that would help me feel better - it did nothing. Then, in August of this year, I got a cold and struggled to recover completely from it. In addition, I lost almost ten pounds from it so I decided to call my doctor to see if I could come in for an appointment to see how my lungs were doing after the cold. My numbers were down, specifically my smaller airways. They were concerned about this because in chronic lung disease the smaller airways are the first to have damage because that is where all of the mucus sits and infections harbor. Once damage occurs it is irreversible and oxygen exchange is impaired. So it makes sense why they were so worried about this number and determined to get it up. My doctors decided that I should be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics and aggressive breathing treatments and chest PT in order to fight the infection. So I went in during the first week back at school. It worked out really well though because I didn't have to miss any clinicals. I was in the hospital for one week and then finished the course of IV antibiotics at home/school the second week. When I finished the antibiotics I felt better and my numbers improved; not as much as my doctors wanted, but an improvement.

Within 1-2 weeks after finishing however, I started to feel sick again pretty suddenly. Normally the symptoms (congestion, cough, shortness of breath, fatigue) come back gradually over time, but this time it was very sudden. I went back to the doctor after about a month of feeling like this and it turned out that my lung function had gone back down to where it was before I went into the hospital the first time. They told me that they wanted me to increase my breathing treatments to 3-4x a day for the next 2 weeks and then come back, and if my PFT numbers had not improved then I would probably have to be hospitalized again. At first this shocked me. I had never been on IV antibiotics any closer together than 4 months (and that was only when my doctors were doing it prophylacticly, not even because I was sick enough to need them). So needless to say this was a bit overwhelming. After two weeks of trying to increase my treatments the best I could, I went back to the doctor and my lung function had not improved. So they made the decision to admit into the hospital for 2 weeks. They want to do all they can before they feel comfortable saying that this is just my new baseline, which I agree with. So here I am, back at USC.

I am still learning what it is to be dependent on God, and will for the rest of my life. We are dependent on Him for breath, we are dependent on Him for life physical and eternal, we are dependent on Him in whatever circumstance life brings us whether we realize it or not. He is in control without fail.

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge."
- Psalm 62:5-8

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Jesus, be my leader. I am ready to Follow.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples,'If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you hang onto your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." - Matthew 16:24-25

Well I have officially finished my first semester of nursing school, and I am getting ready to start the second one next week. I feel like I have learned so much in the past few months, and yet I am overwhelmed with the amount that I still need to learn and skills I need to master in order to be a good nurse. If there is one thing that I have learned though that has stuck, and I pray will alway stick, is that I cannot do this job without being desperately dependent on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the One who counsels, guides, leads, and gives wisdom and insight into what God is doing around us. The One who helps us do the will of God when we call on Him. I have realized that in a hospital setting, in order to be a giver of hope, a possessor of compassion and love, I need the Holy Spirit. I am totally blind and useless in the spiritual realm without Him (in any situation). He is the one who gives me patience and perserverance to get through each lecture and test. God is the One who gives me breath and energy each day. I am learning how utterly helpless I am without Him. Just like a baby, I need my Father to grow me and lead me.

Health-wise this past semester really couldn't have been any better. Becuase I went on IVs right before starting clincals, I was able to get through the rest of the semester in full health. Thank you Jesus. I just had a doctor's appointment yesterday to see how I am doing before going back to start another semester. My lung function is overall still really good. The only thing that went down were my small airways. I have been feeling my congested lately and have had less energy. My doctor decided to put me on prednisone again for 2 weeks to experiment and see if the cause of the small airway decrease is allergies. If it is, the prednisone should do the trick. So we shall see. I am glad I didn't have to do IVs againthe week before going back, but I am also interested to see how my health will be throughout this coming semester. It has already been about 6 months since I've been on IVs, and normally I go on them about every 6 months. Whatever happens, my God is in charge, and my heart shall trust in Him, He is my refuge.

This semester we are doing an oncology (cancer) rotation at City of Hope. I am nervous and excited for this. Oncology is a field of nursing that I am considering going into, so I'm curious how I will like it. I will let you guys know! :) If you think of it, pray for an open heart, discernment, and wisdom in the way I percieve this rotation. I want to be where God desires me to be. Pray that I would end up there.

I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Is there anything that I can be praying for you about?