tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30320382225172782922023-11-15T08:01:45.098-08:00Amanda's Blog: Health Updates and Praises for GodThis is a blog that i decided to create in order to keep loved ones updated with my health and the awesome things that God is doing in my life throughout my health struggles. Above all this blog is meant to give glory to God.Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-79715852241012513712014-03-13T22:44:00.001-07:002014-03-13T22:44:52.828-07:00I Breathe You In, God by Bryan & Katie Torwalt<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/14c_sCyQ2Lo" width="459"></iframe>Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-92171906580939576312014-03-13T16:37:00.003-07:002014-03-13T23:00:19.613-07:00When I don't Understand I will Choose YOUThere is a song that I love called "I Breathe You in God" by Brian and Katie Torwait. The chorus says "When I don't understand, I will Choose you. When I don't understand, I will choose to love you God. When I don't understand, I <i>get</i> to choose to love you God." Those words are weighty. Words that I am currently convicted by and in the process of wrestling with right now.
Its been a about a year since I have updated this blog, and of course a lot has happened in that time. I will try not to drag this on, but rather try to focus on the health updates, major events in the past year, and how once again God has proven Himself faithful. As you know by reading my blogs in the past, this past year and a half have been the most difficult health-wise. From November 2012 to June 2013 I was the sickest I have been CF-wise and for a while my doctors and I could not figure out what was going on. I was in and out of the hospital constantly with no improvement. In fact my lung function only continued to decrease. In March of 2013 my doctors decided to do a CT of my sinuses and found that I had chronic sinus disease. This was the answer to why I was getting sick so frequently (The infection in my sinuses would continually drain into my lungs, thus infecting them constantly). This was answer to prayer because I knew that this could be fixed to an extent, and that it wasn't that my CF had progressed beyond the point of being treatable.
In June 2013, I had sinus surgery to clear everything out and to re-shape the anatomy of my sinuses to make it easier to clear out any build up in the future, thus preventing such frequent CF exacerbations. Since the surgery, I have been SO much better. I have returned to only needing IVs every 4ish months instead of monthly, how it was before the surgery. Who knew sinuses could have such a drastic impact on your quality of life! Boogers can be deadly people! These days I still have to flush my sinuses twice daily and see my ENT every few months to clear out the stuff that is too large or thick for me to blow out myself. Needless to say, I have grown accustom to going to the doctor to have my nose picked and suctioned with large plyers and long probes. I know what you're thinking, you wish you could come with me and have it done too? Yes, yes but I'm afraid its only for VIP members. Too bad.
Anyway, some other exciting news is that I graduated college in May 2013 with a Bachelors Degree in Nursing!!! I still can't believe it sometimes. Did God really manage to get me through that? Because it sure was NOT by my strength! I took the NCLEX nursing licensure exam in July and passed! Fast forward and by God's grace and faithfullness, in October I started my job at City of Hope as a nurse on a Hematology floor (i.e. taking care of patients with blood cancers such as Leukemia and Lymphoma). I love it there. It really is my dream job. Things started out a little rocky with having to go back on IV antibiotics during what was supposed to be the first 2 weeks on the floor orienting. But after finishing the IVs I felt a lot better and returned to work to continue my 15 week orientation before being an independent nurse on the floor. I am SO grateful for a wonderful preceptor and managers who and amazingly understanding of my situation. Not having managers that were willing to work with me was a fear and concern that I have had and God completely answered that prayer.
I was able to work fairly consistently with my preceptor and only had 2 more weeks to go until I would be on my own as a nurse. In mid February however, I caught some sort of virus that gave me a nasty persistent cough that took me out for 2 weeks. I had a follow up visit with my doctor and he wanted me to take one more week off to increase my breathing treatments to take care of the residual congestion left over from the virus. After a 4 days went by with only feeling worse, I called the CF clinic to give them an update and they decided that the best thing to do would be to go on IV antibiotics again for two weeks. While I know that IV antibiotics are what I need to get better right now, it's a bit discouraging because I feel like my health continually holds me back from doing what I believe God has called me to. Every time I think about the patients at City of Hope my heart longs to be a nurse there, but honestly I don't understand how this is supposed to work. How are Cystic Fibrosis and being a nurse compatible?
This is where the choosing to trust God comes in. Choosing to trust HIM even when I don't understand why things are the way they are. Why has God given me a passion to serve sick people, when my own sickness prevents me from doing it fully and could even put me at higher risk of getting sick from others? I love how the song that I referred to in the beginning says "I <b>get</b> to choose to trust you, God." The fact that we have a choice means that there is HOPE. And the fact that we GET to choose is a result of the grace God has poured out on us. Jesus' blood was spilled and He took on sin and death for US which allows us to have access to the Father! This means that we CAN entrust our lives to the trustworthy KING, for His glory! I guess right now I am just struggling to give up that control and understand why God did call me to be a nurse. I know it wasn't purposeless. He has given me this job for this time, so I will keep working until God leads me to a new place, wherever and whenever that might be.
On the flip side, every time I go back on IVs, I am reminded where my strength comes from and from Whom my help comes from. Although I don't always understand, I know that we have a God who does, and who has good planned for us. It may not be comfortable, clear or convenient, but its good.
Thank you for reading!
These are some verses that have brought encouragement to me:
"In You, O LORD, do I put my trust. Never let me be put to confusion. Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape. Incline Your ear to me, and save me. Be my strong habitation, where I may continually resort. You have given commandment to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress." - Psalm 71:1-3
"I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold... As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." - Psalm 18:1-2, 30-32
Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-23513016748757847922013-03-24T19:09:00.001-07:002013-03-24T19:13:43.718-07:00Our Father gives good giftsFor those of you who read my last blog post from a few days ago, you know that these past 5-6 months have not been easy, I have not felt well at all due to an ongoing Cystic Fibrosis exacerbation that is not responding to IV antibiotics.
I wanted to share with you another update about how merciful and good our God is! This past Tuesday was when I went to the doctor and found out that my Pulmonary function tests showed the lowest results I have had. This Thursday I went to my lifegroup/Bible study and they prayed for healing for my body in the name of Jesus. The next day I got up for class as usual and as the day went on I realized that I had a lot more energy than I have had, I didn't feel as congested, and my body didn't ache. I wondered if God was up to something, but I also know that some days with CF are better than others so I told myself we will see how I feel the next few days. The next morning I woke up and took a breath and was surprised when I did not crackle or gurgle with congestion, my breath was clear and deep. I got up and tried to cough up my usual large amount of mucus (sorry for the icky details)...these past few months I have needed to cough up multiple tissues full of gunk in the morning and throughout the day. These past few days...hardly anything. I have energy, and no more body aches or heaviness in my chest! I still have symptoms of CF, but the exacerbation symptoms that have been here for nearly 6 months are finally gone! Jesus is way better and more effective than medicine!! Though I am not completely healed, I believe God healed me of this exacerbation, and I am so overwhelmingly grateful!
A few things I want to note... First, while I know my lifegroup praying over me was a huge part of this, I also want to thank everyone else who was praying for me. Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my blog post on facebook. I know your prayers and the faithful prayers of others were definitely part of it. I also want to add that this was not the first time I was prayed for. Many many times have people from my church, my friends, and my family prayed for healing over the years and most times nothing results. I know that God still heard those prayers though. HIS timing is perfect. Sometimes we are not healed, not everyone is meant to be. BUT Jesus did promise us that He will never leave us and that though there will be troubles in this world, He has overcome it through the cross and we can have hope! Christ gives us hope of eternal life, free of suffering! I would like to write a blog post on suffering and theological thoughts on it sometime soon.
<i>2 Corinthians 1:3-7
"3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us."</i>
This experience has reminded me of God's faithfulness and encouraged me about nursing. I am reminded that He will make me able to do whatever it is He is calling me to, nursing included. I also have realized that while feeling well now is wonderful, that I will not always feel well...none of us will. My body will eventually fail me. All of our bodies will eventually fail us. Our earthly bodies were not meant to last forever. This world is broken and fallen and suffering is part of it. In God's kingdom though, we will have new bodies. I am reminded that though the gift of healing is overwhelmingly wonderful, even better is the gift of forgiveness and life that we have through Jesus!
<i>2 Corinthians 5:1-9
For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.[f] 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.
6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. 10 For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. </i>
I know there are so many different beliefs and religions today, but I urge you, if you don't know Jesus, before you dismiss Him, remember that He has not dismissed you and loves you just as you are, even in your worst state. He created you and He loves you. The Bible's manuscripts are proved to be reliable. There is no doubt that Jesus existed. The question is whether or not Jesus was God like He said He was. He could not have been just a "good teacher"; He was either God or crazy. I believe there is much more evidence to suggest that He was who He said He was - God incarnate. Jesus conquered death and lives in heaven at the right hand of God! He is the only god who is ALIVE!
Sorry for the tangent, I just wanted to share the awesome news, and remind you that God is still just as alive and powerful today as 2000 years ago, and He still hears our prayers!
Love you guys!
Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-70906544277966516622013-03-22T23:52:00.002-07:002013-03-23T00:00:59.313-07:00Trusting in The Faithful GodIt is March 2013. I graduate college in 2 months! I will be a nurse soon. I am excited, terrified, discouraged and yet know I must preserver because God is bigger than my problems and He has plans for me. These past few months have been the hardest yet in terms of health. <br />
<div>
November 2012 I went to my doctor not feeling my best, my Pulmonary Function Test were actually not that bad, but my dr though it would be best to catch anything early and go on IV antibiotics before the holidays came. During this appointment I was told that my insurance had a lifetime limit that was almost used up. I would not have enough left on my plan to get me through another hospital stay. This was, as you can imagine, quite a shock. My insurance has just stopped helping...I thought to myself, "can they really just tell me I can't go into the hospital when I need to go in?" Thank God my parents have Kaiser insurance and I am on their plan, and thankfully Kaiser has a CF clinic in LA. So I ended up being admitted through Kaiser LA ER for that hospital stay. I felt better soon after being on the antibiotics. I went home to finish up the second week. After being done with the antibiotics for 2-3 weeks I started feeling sick again. At my follow up visit my lung function was at 49%, less than it was before I went into the hospital. My dr told me to come back in a month and we would go from there. Finishing the semester and having some time at home helped some, but by mid January I was not feeling well at all. I was hoping that by increasing my breathing treatments I would feel better and avoid going into the hospital again. The first week of February classes began and I was feeling even worse. By the end of the first week I developed a fever. That was what I needed in order to realize I needed to call my doctor. I was admitted that night. An x-ray showed that I had right sided pneumonia. It was a good thing I went it when I did. This was my first time ever having pneumonia, and it was not too fun I might add. I also must add that it has been quite stretching to be going to a new CF center that is newer and not as experienced as USC. Don't get me wrong, everyone is really nice, but there is just a big difference from USC. This has forced me to trust God in a new way. I have realized that ultimately it is God who is in control of my healthcare and no matter what doctor is treating me, God is behind everything. So though it is often frustrating, I am learning to trust God with all aspects of my health and life. </div>
<div>
I finished this last round of IV antibiotics mid February for the pneumonia. I felt a lot better when I was on the IVs, but within a couple weeks I felt sick again. It has now been about a month since I have been off of the antibiotics and I am feeling worse than I have felt in a long time. It seems this has been the same pattern since November. I recently went back to USC, just for a clinic visit, to get another opinion and set of eyes to hopefully see something that has been overlooked. My lung capacity this visit was at 47%, and all my other numbers (small airways...etc have all gone down. I was looking at my history since I have been at USC starting in Jan 2010, and my results are the lowest they have ever been...eeeks) They took a bunch of tests, and I am supposed to go back in a couple weeks for results. So prayers appreciated for that!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
These past few months, not surprisingly, have been very discouraging. I have not been consistent with my job at City of Hope since October, and I am finding it really hard to understanding how I am supposed to be a nurse when I feel so sick all the time. On one hand I know that God is faithful and has called me to be a nurse and will provide the job that fits me. On the other hand I don't know how to trust God because I don't see being a nurse in the near future as a realistic thing; or if it is realistic I don't want to trust God because the idea of working full time sounds way too exhausting. I have so many mixed and conflicting feelings. Right now I don't even feel well enough to do simple community nursing activities for a few hours a day. I have also felt discouraged because I feel like no really gets how I am feeling. CF is hard because on the outside you look fine, but on the inside it looks much different. I feel heavy in my lungs, I am constantly trying to hold back coughing when working with patients so they don't question me, I feel so exhausted that I have to make an effort to concentrate on things, and when I take a break in the bathroom I am coughing up blood tinged mucus and crying. I often feel like no one gets it, no one understands. But last night The Holy Spirit spoke truth to that lie - I was reminded that Jesus knows my/our suffering perfectly. We are not alone in it. He experienced the worst suffering so that we would not have to suffer eternally. I know that this momentary suffering is nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed (Romans 8:18). </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I want to be resolved to trust God in the midst of this; that He is good, in control and faithful. I don't really know what other fancy words to say, I tried some but nothing is coming out right. I guess I would just say that we can live with the confidence that God is constant so that even when our circumstances are discouraging and make it hard to trust, we need to anyway because God's character is still trustworthy, it always has been and always will be. And I know there is joy He brings us in the midst of suffering. God is not easy to explain in words because His goodness and overflowing love is not something humans can fully grasp. He is worthy of all we have to offer. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-3-14">Ephesians 3:14-21</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-3-14">"For this reason I kneel<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29266X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup> before the Father,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-15" id="en-NIV-29267"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">15 </sup>from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.</span> <span class="text Eph-3-16" id="en-NIV-29268"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">16 </sup>I pray that out of his glorious riches<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29268Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup> he may strengthen you with power<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29268Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup> through his Spirit in your inner being,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29268AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eph-3-17" id="en-NIV-29269"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">17 </sup>so that Christ may dwell in your hearts<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29269AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup> through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29269AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)"></sup> and established in love,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-18" id="en-NIV-29270"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">18 </sup>may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29270AD" title="See cross-reference AD">AD</a>)"></sup> to grasp how wide and long and high and deep<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29270AE" title="See cross-reference AE">AE</a>)"></sup> is the love of Christ,</span><span class="text Eph-3-19" id="en-NIV-29271"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">19 </sup>and to know this love that surpasses knowledge<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29271AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)"></sup>—that you may be filled<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29271AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup> to the measure of all the fullness of God.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29271AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></sup></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-3-20" id="en-NIV-29272"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">20 </sup>Now to him who is able<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29272AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup> to do immeasurably more than all we ask<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29272AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></sup> or imagine, according to his power<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29272AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)"></sup> that is at work within us,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-21" id="en-NIV-29273"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">21 </sup>to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-3-21"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-3-21">Psalm 31:14-15</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-3-21"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-31-14" id="en-NLT-14322" style="position: relative;">But I am trusting you, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-31-14" style="position: relative;">saying, “You are my God!”</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-31-15" id="en-NLT-14323" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">15 </sup>My future is in your hands.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-31129782189929435312012-08-18T20:07:00.003-07:002012-08-18T20:10:27.093-07:00I Don't Have a Impressive Title for this One; Just an Impressive God Who Never Fails Me It has been a while since I have written a post on here. Life has been busy and time has flown by so fast. I wanted to write to update my friends and family on not only my health over the past few months, but also on what I have seen God doing, and how I have learned (and am still learning) what it is to cling to my Savior, through faith, even when I don't see Him doing anything. <br />
First for the health update. Last November, as my previous post talks about, I was in the hospital for a round of IV antibiotics. Since then, I had been doing very well. I was able to maintain my lung function up where it was when I first got out of the hospital, and I didn't have to miss any school spring semester 2012 for health reasons (Praise God!!). This summer, I gradually began feeling less well. It started with a little more congestion, increased cough, and then waking up in the night coughing more and more. I went to the doctor for a routine appointment and my lung function had decreased some. My doctor told me to increase my treatments to 3 times a day and to come back in a week, where we would decide if I needed IV antibiotics again or not. So, like a good patient, I increased my treatments. After a few days, I went from feeling "blah" to "oh dear goodness, please get me into the hospital!" I developed a persistent, horrible cough, felt completely zapped of energy, and my blood sugars were elevated (indicative of an infection), and after two days of that, I decided to call my doctor to see if he thought I should just go into the hospital then. My doctor agreed that I should come in, so I was admitted the next morning to USC. <br />
This visit to the hospital was different from the others. Normally, while I don't feel great when I first get to the hospital, I still have enough energy to walk laps around the unit, and feel myself enough to want to escape the building after being there for a couple hours. This time, however, I did not have that energy and I actually wanted to be there because I knew I needed to be. I didn't feel myself. My oxygen saturation while at rest was between 92-95% (while this is not dangerously low, my normal resting is between 97-99%). In addition, I couldn't have a conversation with someone without becoming very short of breath and coughing. When I tried to take a walk around the unit, one lap exhausted me and brought my O2 down to 90% (not favorable). Thankfully within a week of being there I felt a lot better, and was able to gradually do more physical activity without de-satting. After 2 weeks of being on IVs my lung function improved, but still isn't back up to where it was after I was hospitalized last time.<br />
Currently, I feel better, but not 100%. My blood sugars have been higher than their normal range ever since the hospital, and I can't seem to get them well controlled yet. I am supposed to see my endocrinologist next month about this. In addition, my Allergic Broncho-pulmonary Aspergillosis (aka: allergic reaction to a fungus) has flared up again. This "flare up" causes inflammation and further lung damage if not controlled. This past semester, before going into the hospital, my doctors put me on Prednisone again for it for a couple months. God gave me peace during that. The Prednisone helped some, but not enough. Now my levels are back up. I'm not sure what the plan is yet this time. I'm really sick of Prednisone though, and I pray that my doctors could either find something else that will work, or that God would just heal me of it completely (this is obviously the preferred option). All of these things I would really appreciate prayer for if you feel lead to do so (Lung function, Diabetes and Aspergillosis flare up).<br />
<br />
As far as other life updates, I just started a job at City of Hope as a Patient Care Assistant. I hope to work there through my last year of nursing school. I love it. It can be physically and emotionally hard work, but I am enjoying it a lot so far at least. Another example of God's perfect timing is that my orientation for this job started the day after finishing my IV antibiotics. God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. The job itself was a gift from God and I went through a lot of opposition to get there. I don't want to write too much, but lets just say that I am experiencing what it is really like to be a health care provider with a chronic illness and peoples' reactions to that. God is good though, and no matter what area of nursing I end up in, and regardless of my career at all, I know God is faithful and wherever He leads, I know He will have the glory and He has blessings for me in it.<br />
<br />
This past year or so has been hard in almost every aspect. I have been frustrated with myself because I see my faith lacking in many areas, and my soul is weary and timid. I have lacked boldness in proclaiming the gospel to others. With these things said, I think God, in His grace, has used this time to break me of myself (by this I mean my need to present myself to others as "has it together Christian" and having pride in myself as a result). What Christian really has it together anyway? By calling oneself a Christian isn't that insinuating that we acknowledge our brokenness and need for a Savior? Not one of us on this earth "has it all together" - including myself. I have clung to the truth that God is Sovereign, Good, All-powerful and Unchanging, and that's enough. Even when I don't hear Him or see Him doing huge things in my life, by faith, I can still trust that He is in control, sovereign over all things, and has a good plan for my life. I don't have anything amazing to say; nothing to point to my own righteousness, because the only thing good in me is HIM - Jesus Christ. HE robes me with righteousness and life ( Isaiah 61:10). May this blog point to HIM who is able to bring life to the dead, healing to the broken, and hope to those without it. Its not about me, we are all on this journey together, I just pray that you would realize that there is a living and holy God who loves you and who desires to walk with you (and carry you when needed) through this life.<br />
Thank you for reading.<br />
<br />
Psalm 31:14-15<br />
<span class="text Ps-31-14" id="en-NLT-14322">"But I am trusting you, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-31-14">saying, “You are my God!”</span></span><span class="text Ps-31-15" id="en-NLT-14323"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>My future is in your hands."</span><br />
<br />
Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-92224588329724181152011-11-12T11:42:00.000-08:002011-11-12T12:26:50.879-08:00The reality is HE designed us to be dependent on HIMDependence is such a foreign concept to most people today, and to many it has a negative connotation. And yet, we were all created to be desperately dependent on God, our Creator. By His word, we have life each day, He breathes life into our lungs both physically and spiritually. His grace is the only reason you and I are taking a breath right now.<br /><br />This has been a rough year health-wise. Since the beginning of this year I have not really felt like my normal self in regards to my lungs. For the first half of the year I felt off, but my PFTs (pulmonary function tests) consistently showed that I was doing fine. They just didn't seem to match up. This summer my doctors put me on oral Cipro (an antibiotic) to see if that would help me feel better - it did nothing. Then, in August of this year, I got a cold and struggled to recover completely from it. In addition, I lost almost ten pounds from it so I decided to call my doctor to see if I could come in for an appointment to see how my lungs were doing after the cold. My numbers were down, specifically my smaller airways. They were concerned about this because in chronic lung disease the smaller airways are the first to have damage because that is where all of the mucus sits and infections harbor. Once damage occurs it is irreversible and oxygen exchange is impaired. So it makes sense why they were so worried about this number and determined to get it up. My doctors decided that I should be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics and aggressive breathing treatments and chest PT in order to fight the infection. So I went in during the first week back at school. It worked out really well though because I didn't have to miss any clinicals. I was in the hospital for one week and then finished the course of IV antibiotics at home/school the second week. When I finished the antibiotics I felt better and my numbers improved; not as much as my doctors wanted, but an improvement.<br /><br />Within 1-2 weeks after finishing however, I started to feel sick again pretty suddenly. Normally the symptoms (congestion, cough, shortness of breath, fatigue) come back gradually over time, but this time it was very sudden. I went back to the doctor after about a month of feeling like this and it turned out that my lung function had gone back down to where it was before I went into the hospital the first time. They told me that they wanted me to increase my breathing treatments to 3-4x a day for the next 2 weeks and then come back, and if my PFT numbers had not improved then I would probably have to be hospitalized again. At first this shocked me. I had never been on IV antibiotics any closer together than 4 months (and that was only when my doctors were doing it prophylacticly, not even because I was sick enough to need them). So needless to say this was a bit overwhelming. After two weeks of trying to increase my treatments the best I could, I went back to the doctor and my lung function had not improved. So they made the decision to admit into the hospital for 2 weeks. They want to do all they can before they feel comfortable saying that this is just my new baseline, which I agree with. So here I am, back at USC.<br /><br />I am still learning what it is to be dependent on God, and will for the rest of my life. We are dependent on Him for breath, we are dependent on Him for life physical and eternal, we are dependent on Him in whatever circumstance life brings us whether we realize it or not. He is in control without fail.<br /><br />"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge."<br />- Psalm 62:5-8Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-59433283499660608772011-01-25T21:47:00.000-08:002011-01-25T22:15:27.310-08:00Jesus, be my leader. I am ready to Follow."Then Jesus said to his disciples,'If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you hang onto your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." - Matthew 16:24-25<br /><br />Well I have officially finished my first semester of nursing school, and I am getting ready to start the second one next week. I feel like I have learned so much in the past few months, and yet I am overwhelmed with the amount that I still need to learn and skills I need to master in order to be a good nurse. If there is one thing that I have learned though that has stuck, and I pray will alway stick, is that I cannot do this job without being desperately dependent on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the One who counsels, guides, leads, and gives wisdom and insight into what God is doing around us. The One who helps us do the will of God when we call on Him. I have realized that in a hospital setting, in order to be a giver of hope, a possessor of compassion and love, I need the Holy Spirit. I am totally blind and useless in the spiritual realm without Him (in any situation). He is the one who gives me patience and perserverance to get through each lecture and test. God is the One who gives me breath and energy each day. I am learning how utterly helpless I am without Him. Just like a baby, I need my Father to grow me and lead me.<br /><br />Health-wise this past semester really couldn't have been any better. Becuase I went on IVs right before starting clincals, I was able to get through the rest of the semester in full health. Thank you Jesus. I just had a doctor's appointment yesterday to see how I am doing before going back to start another semester. My lung function is overall still really good. The only thing that went down were my small airways. I have been feeling my congested lately and have had less energy. My doctor decided to put me on prednisone again for 2 weeks to experiment and see if the cause of the small airway decrease is allergies. If it is, the prednisone should do the trick. So we shall see. I am glad I didn't have to do IVs againthe week before going back, but I am also interested to see how my health will be throughout this coming semester. It has already been about 6 months since I've been on IVs, and normally I go on them about every 6 months. Whatever happens, my God is in charge, and my heart shall trust in Him, He is my refuge.<br /><br />This semester we are doing an oncology (cancer) rotation at City of Hope. I am nervous and excited for this. Oncology is a field of nursing that I am considering going into, so I'm curious how I will like it. I will let you guys know! :) If you think of it, pray for an open heart, discernment, and wisdom in the way I percieve this rotation. I want to be where God desires me to be. Pray that I would end up there.<br /><br />I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading.<br />Is there anything that I can be praying for you about?Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-23502968796942949652010-09-03T00:11:00.000-07:002010-09-03T01:07:01.597-07:00Nursing: You promised me that you would make a way, I trust you Lord.So I have been back at Biola for a couple weeks now. Things are a lot different this semester, being in the Nursing program now. The first couple days were a lot harder than I had anticipated. Not academically though.<br />I have always known that Nursing would not be an easy thing, especially with having CF. In fact, in the past I went through a few periods of doubt as to whether or not that was something I should really do. Shouldn't I do something that didn't require so much energy and strenous hard work; something less physically demanding? This way the years I had left to live would be restful and enjoyable. But God set me straight and numerous, numerous, numerous times told me that I was meant to be a nurse. That is the vocation that He had called me to for the glory of His name. Ever since I have known confidently. All of these years though I always just thought about how exciting it would be...I knew it would be hard, but that wasn't real to me yet.<br />This summer, before starting nursing school I could feel more of the pressure. I would ask myself and God, "What if I get sick and have to go on IVs during school? I would have to miss clinicals...how would that even work?" This anxiety hit over the summer. Still I kept telling myself that I KNOW that God has called me to this, I just have to trust. Sometimes God's plans for us just don't make sense, but if they are His plans, they will work. I just had to trust that even though going into nursing school having CF didn't make any sense it was what I KNOW He has called me to and I need to rest in that.<br />God is so good and His timing is perfect. I ended up going on IVs the week before classes began, and finished them up the first week of school. I didn't need to miss any classes at all. Praise God! Yet, I still know that I have 3 more years in the program, and surely I will need to be on IVs again before I graduate. I still must trust because He is always faithful and His plans are good.<br /><br />It was the day before nursing classes would begin here at Biola and by the evening I realized that I felt very heavy. I had something weighing on my soul that I couldn't identify. I knew that it wasn't stress. I feel like at this point in my life, more than ever, I trust in God's plan for me. Why would I feel this way? I came back to my empty dorm room that night and sat on the couch. I prayed, "God, I want to give you this weight, but I don't know how, becuase I don't know what it is from." I wanted to cry but I couldn't becuase I didn't know what it would even be for. Soon after that, my roommate Jamie came back. She noticed that there was something wrong and asked what was going on. I told her how I was feeling. Whiling talking to her, God allowed me to see what the source of the weight was.<br />Its a bit hard to put into words, but I will try. I felt overwhelmed and terrified. Part of me was thinking, "I honestly don't think I can do this. Can I really get through nursing school with CF? Realistically, can I?" That part of me just wanted to quit and go home, to bed and never leave. Another part of me knew that I was supposed to be there, and was confident that God would get me through. I believe that God needed me to be at a place where I could admit my utter and desperate need for Him, knowing that I need to rely fully on Him every single step of the way, and come out in the end knowing that HE was the one who carried me through. When I realized this, this picture came to my head. It was like I was standing ontop of a hill looking out at the wilderness that I knew that I would have to cross in order to get to where I needed to be. There is no paved path, and it literally looks impossible to get through by myself. The only way I can get through this wilderness is by having a God who is greater than me, and any situation I could find myself faced with in the midst of that wilderness, literally CARRY ME THROUGH it. A God who is merciful and powerful. <strong>This is the God of the Bible. The ONE TRUE GOD. The way, the truth and the life. Through which the only way to get to Him is through Jesus Christ. This is my God, my Savior, and my Strength. This is the One who has in the past, sustained me, protected me, and lead me through deserts, wildernesses, and storms; and who will continue to, by His grace, carry me through every other circumstance I will ever face in this life.</strong> This is the God I serve. The God looks at you, just as you are, and loves you with an <em>unconditional </em>love.<br />I know that God needed me to find myself in a place of total desperation, acknowledging my need for Him every step of the way through this nursing program.<br />I cried and cried, but they were needed tears. I had never felt anything like it. In the midst of my tears I found myself feeling the weight of suffering in this world. Something else I needed to feel. I can't put into words. I have never felt that before in my life. I felt weight, but I also felt this immense hope. That even in the midst of suffering there is a hope that far outweighs it all. The suffering is temporary, this hope that God gives is eternal. This is the message I must bring to those I come into contact with. Whether through words, or my actions alone. I am desperate for them to know. Oh Lord, use me. Give me the strength to do what you have called me to do.<br /><br />This is a verse that God gave me the summer before I started at Biola. It comes from Isaiah 43. The context is God speaking to Israel about the promise of victory. His promises stand strong:<br /><br />"But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."<br />- Isaiah 43:18-19Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-1153576070010157592010-08-24T23:53:00.000-07:002010-08-25T01:45:50.037-07:00My first time being hospitalized for CF:I am back at Biola now and getting ready to start classes tomorrow. Things have moved so fast these past few weeks.<br /><br /> On August 12th I had a doctors appointment at USC to see how I was doing after the car accident and before school started back up. I went in that morning and had a PFT (pulomonary function test) done. This is a test where I suck in as much air as possible, as fast as possible and when I can't hold any more air in my lungs I blow it out as fast as possible for as long as possible until I have nothing left. I do this test everytime I go to the doctor. They can tell what my lung capacity is by doing this test.<br /> Anyway, so I did this test on the 12th. My lung function had gone down enough that my doctors said that I needed to be hospitalized asap. Now before you get too excited know that I am new to the the clinic at USC and they like all of their Cystic Fibrosis patients to go into the hospital for treatment for at least a week. I have been used to Loma Linda though, where they always would let me do home IV antibiotics. So when my doctors told me that I would need to be admitted to the hospital I wasn't too surprised, and honestly a bit relieved. I knew that I would need IVs soon and I also knew that I was starting school in a few weeks, and did not want to have to miss any classes or clinicals to go into the hospital for treatments.<br /> They told me that they wanted me to be in the hospital for one week and then I would be able to finish the IVs myself for one more week. I thought, "Ok, I can do this." I came home that day, told my parents, called work and told them I couldn't work that weekend afterall, and packed my bag full of comfy clothes and anything that would keep me from going crazy with bordem.<br /> That next morning my mom and I drove back down to USC University Hospital and I was taken to what would be my room for the next week.<br /> This was my very first time being hospitalized for CF and it was a very strange reality. I have only been hospitalized one other time in my life and it was for the swine flu last summer. During that stay I was delirious for the majority of the time and was glad to be in the hospital with people who could take care of me and give me pain meds. But being in the hospital this time was completely different. I felt healthy for the most part, energetic, and very much alert. I wanted to walk, be outside, and take care of myself.<br /> When I first got settled into my room and said to myself, "This isn't that bad, I can make it through one week, and I will feel so much better afterwards." After being there for a few hours though, my optimistic attitude began to change some. Little things began to bug me. For example I would be used to taking a certain medication each day and I asked for it when I didn't see it with my dinner, but the nurse said that I couldn't have it because the doctor hadn't ordered it for some reason. It wasn't the nurse's fault, but it bugged me. The same thing happened with a breathing treatment, and the way they treated my diabetes. By the end of the first night I felt frusterated, impatient, and honestly a bit prideful. In the hospital I was having done to me everything that I have always done myself in the past. I felt like I could be doing the exact same thing myself, at home, and probably take better care of myself than could be done in the hospital. I was restless and I couldn't stand being there.<br /> The next morning I talked to my mom and one of my sisters about it and told them that I wanted to talk to my doctor and see if I could just do this myself, at home. After getting off of the phone with them, I prayed. I told God what I was feeling. The only thing holding me back from calling the dr at that moment to talk to him was the thought that maybe God wanted me to spend this week in the hospital for a reason. If God wanted me there for His purposes, I knew that I needed to stay, no matter how I felt. The problem was, I didn't know what God wanted. I asked God plain and simple, "What should I do?" There wasn't an immediate answer, but He did give me one that day.<br /> I went on facebook that morning, and I had a message in my inbox waiting for me from one of my close friends. She wrote a good morning message for my first morning in the hospital. It was full of encouragement, and God spoke directly through her to me, addressing many things I had been praying about. This softened my heart and lead me to tears. Somewhere in this moment, I belive that God spoke to me and gave me an answer. I believe He said to me, "Amanda, if you can't get through a week of being here, relying on and trusting in me, even when you can't stand your circumstances, how do you expect to fully relate to and encourage your patients? <em>Trust in me, even when its uncomfortable and inconvenient</em>." After God spoke this there was an immediate change in my heart, that I cannot fully explain. I no longer felt frusterated and impatient, I felt at peace, and I felt joy. I knew that God had purpose in the days that I was going to be there, and I looked forward to what He was going to do. I suddenly felt like talking to people and being sociable (whereas before, I honestly did not).<br /> The night before I came to the hospital, I prayed that God would have His hand on who my nurses and other caregivers were going to be. God heard me. So many of my nurses and respiratory therapists were Christians. In fact, one night I talked with my RT for a good hour about God. So cool. One morning I had another RT who was not a Christian and God gave me just enough time to very briefly share Christ with her. GOD IS SO GOOD! One nurse that I had, graduated from APU and was normally a nurse in the oncology unit (which is what I want to do!), so I got to talk to her about that some!<br /> The main piece of scripture that I clung to while I was there was Philippians 4:6-9,11-13<br /><br />"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus...Fix you thoughts on things above....I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."<br /><br /> God is good. He is with me (and you) wherever I go. He made beauty out of a not so terrific situation.<br /> I am back at Biola getting ready to start clinicals, and I have a whole new passion for being with patients. I want to love them and show them the Love of my King. When I am in a hospital, I feel a joy and excitement that I don't have anywhere else. Not out of some sick enjoyment of sickness, but becuase I know that in that setting is where my gifts can be best put to use. I can't wait to start clinicals!!!<br /><br />God is my strength, in all situations. Even when I don't think that I need His strength to get by, I DO!! He is my hope and my joy. May He be your's as well!!!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-40121829726559072332010-08-10T17:35:00.001-07:002010-08-10T18:53:17.768-07:00Jesus Pulled Us Out From the RubbleThe summer is fast coming to an end, and I am getting ready to start the Nursing program at Biola! Wow, time flys!<br />God taught me, took me through, and pulled me out of so many things this summer! Each summer He has something new to teach me, and my eyes become open to new aspects of His character, and I find myself more and more in awe of my Savior. Just thinking about it now, my heart overflows with awe, thankfullness, and my eyes fill with tears. The more God teaches me about Himself, the more I become aware of my desperate need for Him in all situations.<br />I can't start this off any other way than to thank God. Thank you for being my Help, my Sustainer, my Father, my Resting place, my Protector, my Salvation.<br /><br /> "I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!" - Ps. 121:1-2<br /><br /> " Shout with joy to the LORD, all the earth! Worship the LORD with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the LORD is God! He made us, and we are His." Ps. 100:1-3<br /><br /> "I rejoice in your Word like one who discovers a great treasure." - Ps. 119:162<br /><br />Ok so now to tell about this summer! One of the things that God taught me was how to give a reason and defense for why I believe. I have been working at Bass Outlet for a summer job; somewhere that I know God put me for His purposes. I had/have been praying this summer for oppurtunities to share Christ or at least be an representation of Him to others. God gave me two opportunites to share! I realized that I am not the one who makes opportunities, God does. My part is to see them and be willing to take advantage of them.<br />The other part of how God taught me about giving a defense was this: One day I went Grass Valley lake to read my Bible and pray. I had just opened my Bible and started reading when this man who was walking his dogs asked, "Good book?" I replied by saying, "Yes, its the Bible, its the best book." He was surprised and interested. It turned out he really didn't know much at all about it. He didn't even know the gospel message. I told him that the Bible was life-changing, and I told him about Jesus and what He had done for him on the cross. He had A LOT of questions though. I could answer most of them, but many I had to investigate scripture and find the answers. I have never been confident in my ability to share my reason for believing. Don't get me wrong, I understand it myself and I am very confident in my beliefs, but I struggle with explaining it to others. God confronted that insecurity in me by using me to witness to this man. I found myself digging through the Bible for answers and I found myself better understanding why I believe, and feeling more confident about explaining it to someone else. This man still doesn't believe, but I know our conversations were not a waste. I gave him a Bible and I pray that one day His eyes will be opened to the most life-giving truth this world could know.<br /><br />Another amazing thing happened this summer! God answered a huge prayer! I and many people had been praying that my roommate and precious friend, Jamie, would be able to get into the Nursing program this year. When we got our letters, her's said that she was on the waiting list. So we were praying and praying, and just recently she received a call telling her that she got a spot in the program!!!! :) GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!!!<br /><br />Sometimes your life needs to be shaken in order for you to truly understand your desperate need for Jesus. This summer, my life was shaken.<br />It was July 17th and my friends and I were out near Big bear at a campground to surprise our friend Alyssa for her 18th birthday. It was going to be a sleep-over camping trip, under the stars. However, myself and two others could not spend the night so we would be driving home that night. After eating hot dogs and smore's by the camp fire, the three of us set out on our way back home before it got too late. It was about 10:30pm when we left. One dear friend sat in the drivers seat, another dear friend in the passengers, and I in the back behind the passengers seat. It would be about an hour drive. The first part of the drive was full of laughter and fun. Eventually though we all quieted down, as we all begin to feel the long day coming to a close. We were about 2 minutes from my house on Grass Valley road when in a split second, our day took a surprise turn. I remember looking at the road and all the sudden seeing us swerve off to the right. Before I knew it we were rolling and with a sudden stop, I found myself upside-down. I heard my dear friends asking if we were all ok. I was fine, my chest just hurt bad from where the seat belt was. My dear friends crawled out of the front windows themselves. I heard my dear friend who was driving start praying for me. I began to pray too. Then I heard voices around the car. Then I heard a man's voice right by me. He had crawled through the back window to get me. He asked if I was ok and what my name was. Then he told me that he was going to unbuckle my seatbelt. He did and I plopped on the roof of the car. Through the darkness I saw my wallet and phone that had fallen out of my purse and grabbed them. I had one flip-flop on. The kind man pulled me out of the car without touching any glass. He and someone else walked me over to the curb where my two friends sat. We were all praising God! My chest hurst really bad. I couldn't take a full breath. I held my dear friend's hand as we prayed and said scripture together. Soon, the ambulance came and took one of my friends and I. My other friend came separately to the hospital. When we arrived they took a CT scan and X-rays. Nothing was broken...on any of us. We were sore and shaken up, but fine. God sustained us. He pulled us fromt he rubble.<br />The weeks that followed the accident were hard. It took weeks to heal fully, and emotionally, things were strange. The first time I worshiped through music, everything came up to the surface. For the first time I cried and cried from the depths of my soul. It wasn't a sad cry or a pity cry. I just had to cry. I asked God why I was in that car. Not in a angry way, but a curious way. I don't know for sure why I was, but I know I was meant to be.<br />We all were. And God is good. Those things I know for sure.<br />Thinking and praying about the accident, God opened my eyes to see it as a beautiful illustration of what Jesus did for us on the cross.<br />We found ourselves helpless and hurting in the amsidt the rubble, desperate for someone to rescue us. This is where we are without Christ. On the cross, Jesus died in place of us, pulled of from the rubble (sin), brushed us off (cleansed us), and healed us. Jesus is our Savior.<br />If this accident was meant for nothing more than for us to recognize our desperate need for Christ, it had a beautiful purpose.<br />Even when we think that we are in control, we aren't. GOD IS.<br /><br />Healthwise, things are ok. I go to the doctor this week to see how things are going. Since the accident my lungs haven't been great. Part of me wants to go on IV antibiotics now, before school starts, so I won't have to worry about missing school. I am starting clinicals this semester, so missing is not good at all. This is something that has been weighing heavy these past few weeks. Its one of those situations where is doesn't make sense, but I have to trust God. I KNOW that He has called me to be a nurse. And I know He has me in this program, now, for a reason. I just have to trust that even though the future isn't perfectly planned out, and CF and an intense nursing program don't really mesh well, that He has a good plan for me. If you could pray for this I would very much appreciate it.<br /><br />I think that's it for now! I will continue to keep you updated! God bless you all! May you Rest in His faithful, loving arms!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-4445875002940648532010-06-07T20:59:00.001-07:002010-06-07T21:46:19.899-07:00Summertime 2010It has been a while since I last posted an update. There is so much to share about! :)<br /> This past semester was a really great one to say the least! Why might you ask? God is always SO faithful, even when I am not.<br /> Before I get to the health part, let me explain some things that God has been doing in my heart first! It may be lengthy, but if you have the time please read. God did powerful things in my life and I want to share them.<br /> This past Christmas break I prayed something that really wasn't in my own strength. I prayed that God would give me wisdom in my prayers. So often I had been feeling that I really didn't even know how to pray. It has been an absolutely amazing experience these past few months seeing how God has answered that prayer above and beyond! The first way that I saw God answer my prayer was through my Theology I class. Toward the beginning of the class we went over some of the attributes of God. Things I had heard before; Things like....He is self-sufficient, Soveriegn, eternal, all-powerful, all-knowing, omnipresent, loving, gracious merciful...ect. I found that as my knowlegde of God expanded, so too did the way that I viewed Him, and my prayer life changed. Approaching God in prayer with the knowlegde of who He is is so powerful. I found myself praying more frequently and, it was just different, in a very good way. Next, God taught me about praying with boldness. One of my roommates whom I love dearly, had been praying every night in the prayer chapel we have on campus with her boyfriend. She often shared with me about how they had been praying boldly and had seen God answered their prayers. It convicted me and encouraged me to pray with boldness, not with passivity, as I commonly would. In addition to these things, God used a sermon my pastor spoke to open my eyes to the idea of faith and persistence in prayer. I realized that my prayers didn't have enough of these two things. Paricularly persistence. I have always struggled with spending daily time with God (extended time, not just little prayers throughout the day), so persistence would be a challenged for me. I told this to God and asked for His help. I know my prayer life will never be perfect, I will never be perfect, but I will continue to seek God in prayer for as long as I am alive.<br /> Another big thing that God did in my life was in regards to Cystic Fibrosis. I don't think I would ordinarily be comfortable sharing this at the beginning of the semester, but I think God has changed my heart, and I really want to share this now. I don't know what you believe, but I believe that the God of the Bible is a healer. I don't believe in "kingdom now" theology; the belief where everyone is supposed to be healed, and if not there is something wrong with them. I believe that some people are not meant to be healed, because God intends to use the sickness/aliment for His glory. But I do believe that God heals today according to His divinely perfect plan for our lives, and above all His glory. I have, for a long time, struggled with the idea of healing in my own life. There was a stage where I thought I had "work" to the place where I was "good enough" to be healed (a total lie). A until recently I was in the place of honestly not wanting to be healed. I have been in places in between. But I think the underlying feeling was just not wanting to be healed. Why? Fear, the unknown ( I have had CF my whole life), and my identity. If it were to be taken away, who would I be? Would I have to same experiences with God? He has used it so powerfully, what would my testimony be without it? These were all thoughts I had been thinking. <br /> This semester, God opened up my heart and showed me something. After one church service (about healing), my college pastor was asking me what I thought of it. I began telling him what I was thinking regarding healing in my own life. He asked if I wanted to get together with Him and his wife and talk about it. I gratefully accepted. Anyway, talking to them was a tremendous blessing! This is what God spoke to me: "Don't limit me with a disease" - I had been. Also the idea of identity. I thought in my head, "no, I know CF isn't my identity. I am daughter of God," but in my heart I couldn't see how it wasn't part of my identity because I haven't ever known myself without it. That night I realized though that I had been giving CF the credit for God given gifts...ect. If people told me "you are encouraging" I always associated it with CF. Gifts that I know are not of me at all, that I know are God-given, I attributed to having CF. It even surprised me when, this past semester, people who didn't know I had CF who encourage me with words I had normally given credit to CF. When I realized that God made me me with all my gifts and abilities APART FROM CF, I was overcome with how much He must love me. Attributing my gifts to CF was in a way a prideful outlet - it was something of me. Now that I see clearly that it is not CF, but straight and purely from my God, I am even more humbled. I better understand my identity in Christ. On the issue of healing I am in a spot where I don't not desire to be healed, but I also know that as long as I have CF, I will glorfy God through it. And if I am, one day, healed I will glorify God through that as well!<br /><br />Ok health!<br />Over this past semester I was feeling pretty good all throughout. The only glitch was at the end of April I was tryign to flush my port and I couldn't. Normally once you put the needle in, you need to have blood draw back. That assures you that it is in the right spot and clear. I tried it over and over, readjusting and readjusting. It wouldn't pull back blood - always resistance. I thought, "ok, I will try it again in a couple of days, and if I still can't then I will call the doctor." I tried it again in a couple of days and the same thing happened...no blood draw back. I called the dr. and left a message. I received a call back the next day and they said to come in the following day and they will try to flush it, and if they can't (if there is a clot clogging it up) I would have to come back the next week and have it de-clogged somehow. That day before the appointment was really overwhelming. I would tell the whole story, but I have already said so much here. In brief though, God gave me joy and reminded me of His faithfullness. He was with me, He is always with me (AND YOU!). The port did flush the next day at the dr, thank God! :)<br />Ok, last thing, I promise! A current health update. I am home for the summer now, which has been nice but hard too. I have officially become a flatlander. The oxygen shortage up here in the mountains has set in for the first time. I have felt the symptoms of low O2 levels, but I have an oxygen tank now which is helping. Besides that, I have been feeling a bit more goopy and blah than normal. I have my next dr. appt on July 7th, so we will see what happens. <br />Thank you so much for reading. I know it was long, but I hope God used it somehow in your life. I hope you know that He loves you beyond what you or anyone else is capable of knowing.Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-78210812922279760092010-04-09T16:22:00.000-07:002010-04-09T19:15:08.472-07:00My God sustains meGod is so good in all situations. This past semester has been a wonderful one. I love my classes, and God has been teaching me so many things. He continues to show me the fullness of His love and His forgiveness each day.<br />Before I give the full update on my health, I want to share a story. I had a cold a couple of weeks ago. It seems that whenever I get a cold these days, it always comes with a persistent, irritating cough. This cold was no different. The cough I get is different than a normal cough in that my breathing treatments do nothing to help it. It is an irritation deep in my bronchiole tubes, and a tightening that feels like someone is squeezing my airway. It was a Monday night and I did my nightly breathing treatments as usual. After having this cough for a few days and nights, I went to bed hoping to get some sleep. This night was the worst though. After being in bed for an hour with no sleep at all becuase I couldn't stop coughing, I decided to do another breathing treatment in hopes that it might provide some relief. Before I began the treatment, I texted one of my roommates, Jamie who was out at the prayer chapel we have on campus. I texted her to tell her I wouldn't be going to chapel in the morning afterall, and also if she could pray for me becuase I couldn't get to sleep and couldn't stop coughing. She said she would. I did my breathing and went to bed. I went to sleep pretty quick after finishing my breathing. In the morning I woke up and realized that I had slept the whole night through (which I hadn't been able to do for a while). I felt rested and I had energy. Then as I lay in bed I took a breath...a deep breath. I was amazed because the tight, irritated feeling was completely gone! I thanked God as I laid there in bed. Then, I got up and went to Jamie's bed and I asked her what she had prayed the night before. She told me many things, but within what she said was that my breathing treatment would actually work, that I would be able to sleep well, and that the tightness in my lungs would go away. God healed me of my cold AND (after going to the dr. this week) healed me from the damage it would have left on my lungs! :) Praise God!<br />Ok, now for the current health update! A week or so before my cold I coughed up a tiny little bit of blood, but a smaller amount than I have ever coughed up in the past. I haven't coughed up anymore since then though. Then I had a cold, God healed me from it! Needless to say I was anxious to go to the doctor and see how things were going! I had my most recent appointment Wednesday April 7th. My lung function stayed exactly the same as it was at my last visit - 55%. God sustained me! :) I lost a couple pounds, but I think its because of the cold...it took my appetite away. But its spring break now, and I have been stuffing myself quite well! :) I also found out that I am going to have to take insulin before every meal now, instead of just once a day. My doctor said that my blood sugar is still a bit high, and they want it to be under better control. Just call me missy pin cushion. :) But it really shouldn't be too bad. Yep...that's pretty much it.<br />Oh, for those of you who read the blog I posted before this one, I mentioned that my body box test results said that I had obstructive lung disease. I asked the doctor about it and he said that that is just a part of CF. So its nothing to worry about.<br />Ok, I think that's it for now! Thank you for reading!<br />Oh, Oh, I almost forgot to mention...I found out that I got into Biola's Nursing Program!! :D<br /><br />May you find God's grace and peace in whatever situation you find yourself in right now!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-64364338886520002832010-02-16T11:26:00.000-08:002010-02-16T12:44:04.485-08:00Springtime updates:Its been a while since I last wrote, so I am going to update you readers on what has been happening! :)<br />First, I want to remind not only you readers, but also myself, that this blog is meant to be God-focused, and not a blog where I talk about myself the whole time. Of course I will be talking about what is going on in my life, but my prayer is that it would be something that would take our focus from ourselves and back onto the Life-giving face of God. I don't want any glory in this! I admit that at times, my motives are more self-centered than God- centered, but that's riduculous when I think about it. How could I possibly take credit for all that God has done in my life? Its not only silly, its impossible! How could I bring a peace into my life that surpasses understanding? - impossible. How could I give myself strength when I don't have enough strength to go on? - impossible....ect. You get the picture. On the cross, Christ took all of our sin upon His shoulders so that we might live, and live abundantly! There is NOTHING we have done to get any of the credit!!<br /><br />With all that said, I will now give you an update on what the past few months have entailed!...<br />Christmas break was so wonderful. The main event was that my oldest sister, Alyson, got married to my now brother-in-law, John Matthews! It was definitely one of the happiest days of my life!<br />Right before coming back to Biola at the end of January, I had my first doctor's appointment at the Adult Cystic Fibrosis clinic at USC Medical Center. I am transferring clinics now because the one I have been going to at Loma Linda was a pediatic clinc, and because I have been an adult for a couple years now, they decided that it was time to send me on to an adult clinic.<br />My first visit there was very interesting. The procedure there is much different than at the pediatric clinic. When I first got there, the receptionist at the desk gave me a biohazard bag that had gloves, a mask, and a pen it in. The pen was mine to use and keep, and the purpose for this was so that no CF germs would be shared from patient to patient. I had to wear the gloves and the mask for the whole visit. The procedure makes sense, but it was a bit uncomfortable and overwhelming at the same time. (* Just a side note: In case you aren't familiar with CF, people who have CF are not supposed to be around other people who have CF because you can give each other different bacterias, and potentially make someone more sick than before - hence the need for the gloves and masks).<br />Everyone was very nice in the clinic. The team there seems to take things more seriously, which I like. My lung function is at 56% right now (* another side note: Strange story...this appt. was on a Wednesday. The Monday before this Wed. I had my last appt. at Loma Linda and my lung function (FEV1) was 49%, so for it to be almost 10% higher 2 days later was strange to me. I asked them if it could be the different machines, but the doctors said it shouldn't make that much of a difference. So I accepted the 56% gladly.) So anyway, the first appointment there went pretty well. I go back February 24th for my next visit!<br />Another piece of information that I found out was this: I had a breathing test done a few months back, one where I sit in what is called a "body box" and they take a detailed ananlysis of my breathing and the condition of my lungs. I finally found out the results to this just last week actually I am not really sure what to think of them yet. This is what the results said: I have air trapping, airway resistance is increased, airway conductance is decreased, and that this all means that I have Obstuctive Lung Disease. I want to talk to my doctor about this, becuase I don't know whether this is something that is associated with CF and is considered "normal," or is it is something that I should be concerned about. Either way, God is in control, and He is my shelter, my strength, and my sustainer.<br />Life here at Biola is going well. I love all my classes this semester! I am taking Physiology (Lecture, Pre-lab, and Lab), Theology I, Philosophy, First Aid/CPR, and Weight-lifting for a PE. Yes, that's right, I said weight lifting! I'm not trying to be a body builder, I just want strong bones! :)<br />This semester is particularly exciting becuase it is my last semester of pre-nursing. I am in the process of applying to the program right now! I have already filled out and turned in my written application, and this week, on Thursday Feb. 18th, I have my interview with the nursing department!! (So if you remember, I would love prayer for that! As well as prayer for one of my roommates, Jamie. She is appyling to the program with me! - Thank you!)<br />Another exciting thing is that I have recently become a leader in a new ministry we have at Biola now called Soul Care Ministry. This is a ministry that I am confident that God placed me in and I am really excited about! Because the ministry is so new, we are still working on the practical implications of how we are going to go about acting out the vision that God has given the ministry. (*The vision is to be a group who interceeding for and comes alongside the students on campus who are suffering or in need of any kind. More than this though, we pray that is would be more than a ministry, but something that would spark the desire to be people who love God and love people as God commanded us in scripture) If you can, please pray that the leaders would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guiding and to have wisdom in our choices. Also that God would continue to grow the ministry for His glory.<br />I have to get going to class now, but thank you so much for reading and for praying!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-596921392085682182009-11-17T12:20:00.000-08:002009-11-17T13:04:06.686-08:00Something to be Thankful for:With Thanksgiving approaching, I can think of countless things to be thankful for. I find it amazing that I was born into this world surrounded by a loving family devoted to serving and loving God, given the most wonderful friends, I live in a beautiful place, go to a great college, I am studying to have a job as a nurse that my heart burns with passion for, and I have been given health and am sustained by the hand of the One who knitt me together in my mother's womb. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve or earn these things...it is completely out of God's amazing grace; for that I am tremendously thankful!<br /><br />A little update on the health too! I have been on my IV antibiotics for the past 2 and a half weeks or so. I get to finish them this Thursday!!<br />For some reason, this round of IV meds has been a lot more of a burden on my shoulders than the others. Not for any particular reason though...I don't really understand it.<br />Originally I was only supposed to be on the IV meds for two weeks, but after the first week my doctor called and decided to put me on one more antibiotic. That day I felt really discouraged, weighed down and weary - agian i'm not really sure why, becuase i normally take 2 different kinds of IV meds anyway. The whole day I was feeling really overwhelmed, but when i went to dinner that night something changed. I was in the caf eating with some of my friends and God allowed two things to happen. I was able to help someone by offering them a ride to the pharmacy, and I ran into a girl who is in one of my classes who was going through some major health difficulties and stopped to talk with her for a short time and offered her some encouragement.<br />I say these things not to brag about things i did, but really just the opposite reason. When I walked out of the caf that night, something changed. I literally had a renewed peace, joy, and energy. I realized that by taking the focus off of myself and onto those around me in need, my load didn't seem so heavy anymore - in fact it was a joy to carry if it meant that God could use it to show others His love for them.<br />Sometimes the loads we have to carry seem too heavy, they weigh us down and zap our joy away from us. Sometimes though, I truly beleive that God allows those loads to show those around us that He cares deeply for them and loves them eternally. Picture a weak old woman carrying a huge bag over her shoulder; at first she struggles, but when she directs her face to the Lord, she finds the strength to go on carrying it. As she moves forward, she begins standing more upright like the bag doesn't weigh anything. God is strong in her weakness - that's what gives her the strength to press on. And more than that, what makes it worth it all is to pass by someone else who is having trouble carrying their load and stopping to help them. Sharing with them that the only reason you stand with joy and can carry the load you have without collapsing is becuase God took the weight from it on himself through His Son Jesus. We don't have to bear the wieght. The loads we carry in life don't always go away, but the weight of them can and do, by the precious blood of Christ.<br />I don't know if that analogy made sense, but I felt i needed to share it. If you are carrying any heavy weight on your shoulders, know that the weight of it wasn't meant for you to carry.<br />"give all your cares and worries to God, for he cares about you." - 1 Peter 5:7<br />May you be truly blessed this Thanksgiving!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-24229772766735308942009-11-01T19:20:00.000-08:002009-11-01T19:48:51.023-08:0010th Round of IV Antibiotics - 4th Time Using Port:I went to the doctor on October 28th for a follow up after my oral antibiotics. My lung function was exactly the same - 45%. This didn't really surprise me because I didn't feel much different after taking them. Come to find out though that they didn't work because I am now resistant to Cipro (the antibiotic I was taking) and Tobramyacin, another one that I take as a breathing treatment. Resistant just means that it no longer kills the bacteria growing in my lungs because the bacteria has developed a "resistance" to it.<br />My doctor decided to start me on IV antibiotics again. Ever since I had the swine flu this past summer, my lung function has not been the same. I am taking an antibiotic called Meropenem, which I have taken before. I'm hoping and praying that it will restore some of my lung function back. My doctor also wants me to try to do my breathing treatments 3 times a day, along with my vest. I honestly don't know how I'm going to find time to do it that many times with classes and homework to keep up with, but I am certainly going to try. This is one thing that is really overwhelming for me, so if you could pray that I could balance all these things I would so appreciate it.<br />I lost one more pound which was a bit discouraging since I had been stuffing myself silly for the past two weeks. My doctor also told me that I should make an appointment to see my Endocrinologist to talk to him about getting an insulin pump. I have never seen an insulin pump before, but apparently it works similarly to the pancrease in that it releases insulin each time I eat. It just stays attached to me all day instead of having to give myself insulin shots before every meal. I'm not sure what to think of this. In a way it would be nice so I won't have to carries around my insulin and needles everywhere I go, but its new and its really overwhelming thinking about one more thing i'm going to have to deal with somehow.<br />I am supposed to go back to the doctor on November 12th to see if I can be done with my IV meds. While going on my IV antibiotics every four months or so gets repetitive and tiresome, each time is different in that God teaches me something new and reveals Himself, and His sweet comfort, peace and rest, to me in new ways each time. For that I am thankful, but it is still hard.<br />Right now particularly I am feeling very burdened by it all. I feel God gently reminding me that I I am not supposed to carry this on my own - its not mine to carry. He reminds me to trust in Him and depend on Him to carry me through as He has time and time again in the past. How sweet it is to Have a Savior who cares for us and comforts us when we need it most.<br />I would so appreciate some prayers as I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now. Pray for not only that the IV meds would work and the other things I mentioned in here, but most of all that no matter what God's will is that I could better know Him and His grace through this, that my heart would be teachable that He might teach me new ways to depend on Him. And most of all, pray that no matter what happens God would be glorified through me and my CF. Its all for Him.<br />Thank you for reading!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-50807646910843322682009-10-12T21:12:00.000-07:002009-10-12T21:37:53.538-07:00A Fall Update!It is finally starting to feel like fall, and O how I love it! God has been flooding my life with His grace and teaching me new things about Him everyday this semester. How sweet it is to live in the freedom of our Savior, walking with Him intimately as He graciously gives peace and joy that overflows from us in even the crummiest of situations. He is my calm in the storm, my joy in the sorrow, my peace in the stressful times, my rest in the midst of the business, and my strength when I feel sick and weak. He is my everything, and I pray each day that I would be His entirely!<br />Ok, so here is a the current update on my health! I haven't been feeling as great these past few weeks. On October 6th I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. It was good timing because I was just getting over a nasty cold that made my lungs not so wonderful feeling. My lung function was at 45% of normal; so it went down a little bit from last time. Last time I went in (in august) it was at 49%. The doctors want my lung function to be at my baseline (or average high) which is around 55%. Last time I was at 55% was at the beginning of the year when I was on a high dose of prednisone. Ever since i had the swine flu, it hasn't been back up.<br />Also, at the doctor I lost 2 lbs, which may not seem like a big deal, but it is to my doctors. The more weight I lose, the harder it is for my body to fight off infections. So these were the instructions I left with: 1.) eat, eat, eat 2.) My dr put me on Cipro oral anitbiotics for 2 weeks to help get rid of whatever my cold did to my lungs; if they don't make a big difference and i'm still feeling gross I will most likely go on IV antibiotics. 3.) My doctor thinks that I may need to start taking Insulin before every meal now to regulate my sugars better; when my sugars aren't regulated, then my lungs suffer too. I am supposed to talk to my Endocrinologist soon about this.<br />That's pretty much it. I'm just supposed to keep taking care of myself the best I can and I trust that God will do the rest.<br />He sustains me everyday! I was walking around my college campus the other day and God put this thought in my mind - I am so thankful that I can walk aroung normally without having to carry oxygen with me, I am so thankful for breath. I mean I always am, but He just gave me a renewed sense of that. :)<br />Also, as a side note, God is teaching me boldness in compassion, specifically in prayer. I am a part of a ministry on campus now called Soul Care Ministry, where we reach out to people who are hurting or suffering in anyway and offer them prayer. Also, I found the most wonderful church down here! God has truly answered my prayers about that! I'm so excited and so thankful!<br />I hope this finds whoever is reading this well! Thank you for taking the time to read it! :)Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-24548418872755945632009-08-28T19:15:00.000-07:002009-08-28T19:27:17.636-07:00College so far...I just started my second year at Biola in the Pre-nursing program. This semester my hardest task is tackling Microbiology. Its gonna be a tough but wonderful semester. As long as I keep my eyes focused on the One who gives me Perfect Peace through any situation. I was talking to my roommate Jamie about it today and we realized something. It is so easy to get caught up in the stress of these classes, but when it comes down to it its not even about us. I am studying to be a nurse not for my own benefit or so I can say " yes, I am an RN and I worked hard for it!"....NO I am studying to be a nurse first for the glory of God and second for other people. I will have a career of loving people!!! How awesome an opportunity is that? So really all the crazy hard work I am doing is for those people, not me at all. If one person could be treated, healed, or even saved becuase of God using me as a nurse....this will all be SO worth it! So that is the mindset I am determined to take as I press on in the nursing program.<br />As far as health, not too much new to tell. I went to see my Endocrinologist earlier this month to talk about my sugar levels. For now I am just supposed to continue taking insulin everyday and keeping track of my blood sugar levels for the next six months and then we'll see after that I guess.<br />It was such a blessing too!! When I went to the dr., after my appointment my doctor asked if he could pray for me! I was so blessed by him doing that. It was the first time that anyone has ever asked to pray for me in a public health setting. It encouraged me and made me even more excited to be a nurse and be able to show others the love of Christ in my job. Whether its being able to pray with them or just love them through my actions, I can't wait! :)<br />I have been feeling ok since I have been at college. My lungs have been feeling a bit goopier than normal lately so I'm hoping there is nothing going on in there. I'm just trying to do my part and take care of my lungs and I trust God to do the rest.<br />This semester I believe God has called me to trust Him in news ways and to step out and love people boldly! My prayer is that I would not waste a single day I am given. I want to give Him everything and I pray for a deeper desire to share His AMAZING love with others. I don't know what He has planned, but I can't wait to see!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-14357481342543277292009-08-04T20:16:00.000-07:002009-08-04T21:01:57.148-07:00My health in 2009 so far: The Swine Flu MiracleGoing into my second semester at Biola I was doing much better health-wise. I was put on a high dose of prednisone (50mg) for a couple months and itraconazole. This helped so much and brought my lung function back up to 56%! My doctors slowly began weening me down on my prednisone. By April I was taking 5mg every other day. The only reason I couldn't stop taking it all together was because my adrenal glands became supressed and stopped making enough of their own cortisol for me to get by on.<br />By the end of the semester my lung function was back to around 50% and I went on my 9th round of IV antibiotics at the beginning of the summer. They made me feel better, but didn't change my lung function at all.<br />A couple weeks after finishing those IV antibiotics, something very unexpected happened. On June 15th I developed a headache and a fever of about 101. I figured I was just coming down with something or the infection in my lungs wasn't completely taken care of with the IV meds. That night I woke up around 4am shivering uncontrollably and I had a horrible headache. I could tell I had a high fever, so I got up to take my temperature. It was around 102 at the time so I took some tylenol. I tried to go back to sleep but found it hard to rest at all. By morning my fever had only intensified and my head and body ached more than I had ever experienced before. As time went on, things only got worse. I called my doctor and they said that I should be admitted to the hospital. They suspected I might have an infection in my portacath.<br />By the time I got to the hospital that evening on the 16th my fever was around 103, I couldn't walk, I was barely concious and I had weird jolting spasms every few seconds. They put me in the emergency room until they could get me a bed and gave me some intense pain medication that was absolutely wonderful.<br />I was finally moved to my own room where I could sleep the rest of the night. The next morning my fever was about the same and my head and body aches were just as intense. They gave me vikaden, morphine, and finally some other IV pain med that did the trick. The whole time my family was there beside me and my friends whether physically there or not were bringing me encouragement too. John (my soon to be brother in law) read to me from the Bible. I remember him reading from Psalm 91 and how comforting it was. My mom and sisters were there with me too and although I may not have seemed appreciative then, words cannot express how much it meant to me. My daddy was out of town but came later on, and I am so happy he got to come when he did. I had beautiful flowers and visitors from my church that I had never even met. I am SO incredibly thankful to those people who were there and who prayed for me. That alone was a humbling, blessed experience. I am so blessed beyond what I deserve!<br />Anyway, that next night was without a doubt the worst. My fever was still really high so they covered me in ice packs. It got to the point where I could not even move my hand to my head without feeling like I was going to puke. Alyssa Trammell was there with me most of that night though, putting wash clothes on my head and tending to my needs.<br />Being in the hospital is a very humbling experience. I was NOT allowed to get up from my bed because of my O2 levels and therefore had to be acquainted with the "bed pan." Yes, that is something I never expected to have to deal with at the age of 19, but then again I didn't expect to get the swine flu when I first heard of the outbreak. Haha... humbling experiences like that are just the thing to make you smile and thank God for the simple abilities that we have and take for granted.<br />By the next morning, my fever slowly went down and I, very gradually, started to get my appetite back (which is not easy to do with hospital food might I add). The next thing I faced was a nasty cough. I developed a persistent irritating cough that went on all through the night. Definitely haven't worked so hard to breathe ever before. During the next couple days in the hospital my cough gradually improved and my fever came and went, but eventually left completely.<br /><br />Let me interject here and say that it wasn't until the third or fourth day in the hospital that the doctors found out that I had a case of the flu. When they did diagnose me with the flu they only knew I had Influenza A. I was not diagnosed with the Swine Flu until after I came home!<br /><br />Anyway, as I gradually got to feeling better, my appetite came back and I could be off of my oxygen the doctors discussed when to let me go home. During the last four days or so I was in an isolation room. I got pretty stir crazy and when I got to come home, I was so thankful to get out of that room. All together, I was in the hospital one week.<br /><br />In returning home I was introduced to insulin shots! My blood sugar level had risen since I had been in the hospital and now have to be monitored and treated with insulin. The reason for my high sugar levels is mainly due to my taking prednisone (it causes sugar levels to rise). I am currently still taking insulin and am not sure yet when or if I will be getting off of it.<br /><br />I recentely visited the doctor and my lung fuction is at 47%, which isn't great but almost back to where it was before I went into the hospital (it was at 49% before). The doctors want me at my baseline though which is 55%. I am on 10mg of prednisone every other day now and hope to ween myself down to 5mg e.o.d. within the next month.<br />Right now my prayer is that my body could make enough of its own cortisol again so I will be able to get off of the prednisone for good. Also that my Aspergillosis could be under control so I won't have to continue to take prednisone.<br />While I am thankful for all the meds that are available to treat me, I also want to be on as less as possible. Prednisone has some nasty side effects and to be honest, it is very tiresome being on this steriod. I know God has things under control though, I just need to keep trusting.<br /><br />So yeah, I survived the Swine flu! And God was the one who sustained me through it even when I didn't know I had it!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-10455477225938545782009-08-04T18:18:00.000-07:002009-08-04T18:51:31.435-07:00A quick update from my first year at college: I have not known true peace before thisI would not hesitate to say that the past year has been the most challenging for me health-wise. A year ago I was just starting my freshman year at Biola University. The first year in college was some of the hardest months of my life emotionally, spiritually and physically. It's funny though, before I started school God gave me a verse over and over again and I knew that it was an important one. Isaiah 43:18-19 says "But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Don't you see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." I will return to this again later on to show how perfectly God answered this promise.<br /><br />Toward the end of October 2008 I started my 8th round of IV antibiotics (2nd time using my port). I have been taking them every four months now for preventative maintenance. It was good timing to be due for my next round of IV meds, because I wasn't feeling too super. The day that I started them I coughed up some blood and I just assumed I had an infection going and this was perfect timing to start my antibiotics. I was originally supposed to be on them for 3 weeks. But the day before the third week was supposed to be over I coughed up more blood. I called the doctor and he said to go for one more week just to make sure that the infection was taken care of. So I went one more week. I finished on thanksgiving; I was very thankful needless to say. However, the following monday, I coughed up more blood! I had coughed up blood in the past, but never before this frequent. I called the dr. and made an appointment for the following week. Meanwhile during the week I had of waiting, each day I began feeling worse and worse. By the end of the week I felt more sick than I had before I had even started my IV antibiotics. I don't think I had ever felt worse actually. I was also dealing with a lot of things in my walk with God, a lot of joylessness. The day before my next dr. appointment God did some awesome things and intervened in that area. This was so amazing, because although I had no idea what was in store for me at the doctor, God did and restored my joy and trust in Him that night before.<br />The following day at the dr. I found out that my lung function had gone down lower than it had ever been - it was around 41% of normal. They said that they would give me a week to do as many treatments as I could and then they would decide whether I should be hospitalized or not. I had never been hospitalized before and didn't really desire to be any time soon. On car ride home from the doctor I began pouring our all my fears and unceratinties to God in prayer. As I did I felt God's presence there with me in that car - I have never known peace before that moment.<br />That next week should have been the hardest week of the entire semester; I felt very sick, I faced having to be hospitalized and missing my family Christmas get together, and final were just a week away. With all these things considered I should have been a wreck, but in all honesty, that week was the best week of my entire semester- year probably! The reason: I felt near to God, my eyes were fixed on His glory and faithfulness, and He gave me the type of peace and joy that this world cannot give. It was ridiculous joy!<br />In returning to the dr. I found out that I would not have to go into the hospital (praise God!) becuase I had Allergic Broncho Pulmonary Aspergillosis. Or an allergic reaction to a fungus. This was to be treated with steriods (Prednisone and Itraconazole) and therefore would not benefit much from a hospital stay. And so my adventure with steroids began!<br />Going back to the Bible verse from Isaiah that I mentioned before. That first semester was without a doubt extremely hard. I was in the depths of the wilderness and dry wasteland, but God faithfully provided a pathway through that wilderness and a river through the dry wasteland. He is my Deliverer and Sustainer, My Prince of Peace (and now I finally know the depth behind that title). Every time I am reminded of that time I can't help but be in awe of my awesome Creator! Once again...Beauty from Ashes.Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-22319469630854433102009-08-04T17:33:00.001-07:002009-08-04T17:56:12.573-07:00Cystic Fibrosis: What should be something ugly, God has made beautifulFor those of you who know me, you know that I was born with Cystic Fibrosis (CF). CF is a genetic disorder that affects the lungs and digestive system, creating abnormally thick mucus. The thick mucus causes inflammation in the lungs, infection, and eventually lung damage. It also causes digestive complications, making it hard to absorb the proper nutrients causing difficulty in weight gain. It requires constant treatment and there is currently no cure. The average life expectancy is about 40 years for someone born in 1990 (the year I was born). But there are people who live longer too of course. I am just trusting that as long as I do my part to take care of myself, God will have me here on this earth for as long as He needs me to be here. There is an incredible freedom that comes with fixing your eyes upon Jesus! ("You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you..." Isaiah 26:3).<br />These are some of my favorite verses that I want to share:<br /><br />"Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health my fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:25-26<br /><br />"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair." Isaiah 61:3<br /><br />"'My grace is all you need, My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me...When I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10<br /><br /><br />This will be an account of my health stories and how God has and will continue to bring beauty from my ashes. God did not promise that this world would be easy or that He would spare us from hardships, but He did promise to walk by our side through every minute of everyday. Through the storms and the fire, He promised to carry us through in His arms, just as a Father would his child, and that's just what He has done in my life. (See Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 43:2 and John 16:33). He is our Abba Father, Prince of Peace and Sovereign God.Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3032038222517278292.post-87453764166603665162009-08-04T17:01:00.000-07:002009-08-04T17:32:13.996-07:00Not About MeI am making this blog with the intention that it be about God, not me. I find that it is all too easy to make things about me, seeking to glorify myself, but there is no point in that. The very breath that I am taking right now is only a result of God's grace and sustaining power. Everything that I write in this blog is because of Jesus Christ and the immense grace that He continually pours out upon me; He carries me through every storm and He has brought beauty from my ashes more times than I can count.<br /><br />"As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Becuase of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world's interest in me has also died." Galatians 6:14<br /><br />"It is not that we think that we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant." 2 Cor. 3:5-6<br /><br />"I came to you in weakness - timid and trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God."<br />1 Cor. 2:3-5<br /><br />This is for you, my Precious Savior! Be glorified!Beauty From Asheshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09572089906961256512noreply@blogger.com1