My first time being hospitalized for CF:

I am back at Biola now and getting ready to start classes tomorrow. Things have moved so fast these past few weeks.

On August 12th I had a doctors appointment at USC to see how I was doing after the car accident and before school started back up. I went in that morning and had a PFT (pulomonary function test) done. This is a test where I suck in as much air as possible, as fast as possible and when I can't hold any more air in my lungs I blow it out as fast as possible for as long as possible until I have nothing left. I do this test everytime I go to the doctor. They can tell what my lung capacity is by doing this test.
Anyway, so I did this test on the 12th. My lung function had gone down enough that my doctors said that I needed to be hospitalized asap. Now before you get too excited know that I am new to the the clinic at USC and they like all of their Cystic Fibrosis patients to go into the hospital for treatment for at least a week. I have been used to Loma Linda though, where they always would let me do home IV antibiotics. So when my doctors told me that I would need to be admitted to the hospital I wasn't too surprised, and honestly a bit relieved. I knew that I would need IVs soon and I also knew that I was starting school in a few weeks, and did not want to have to miss any classes or clinicals to go into the hospital for treatments.
They told me that they wanted me to be in the hospital for one week and then I would be able to finish the IVs myself for one more week. I thought, "Ok, I can do this." I came home that day, told my parents, called work and told them I couldn't work that weekend afterall, and packed my bag full of comfy clothes and anything that would keep me from going crazy with bordem.
That next morning my mom and I drove back down to USC University Hospital and I was taken to what would be my room for the next week.
This was my very first time being hospitalized for CF and it was a very strange reality. I have only been hospitalized one other time in my life and it was for the swine flu last summer. During that stay I was delirious for the majority of the time and was glad to be in the hospital with people who could take care of me and give me pain meds. But being in the hospital this time was completely different. I felt healthy for the most part, energetic, and very much alert. I wanted to walk, be outside, and take care of myself.
When I first got settled into my room and said to myself, "This isn't that bad, I can make it through one week, and I will feel so much better afterwards." After being there for a few hours though, my optimistic attitude began to change some. Little things began to bug me. For example I would be used to taking a certain medication each day and I asked for it when I didn't see it with my dinner, but the nurse said that I couldn't have it because the doctor hadn't ordered it for some reason. It wasn't the nurse's fault, but it bugged me. The same thing happened with a breathing treatment, and the way they treated my diabetes. By the end of the first night I felt frusterated, impatient, and honestly a bit prideful. In the hospital I was having done to me everything that I have always done myself in the past. I felt like I could be doing the exact same thing myself, at home, and probably take better care of myself than could be done in the hospital. I was restless and I couldn't stand being there.
The next morning I talked to my mom and one of my sisters about it and told them that I wanted to talk to my doctor and see if I could just do this myself, at home. After getting off of the phone with them, I prayed. I told God what I was feeling. The only thing holding me back from calling the dr at that moment to talk to him was the thought that maybe God wanted me to spend this week in the hospital for a reason. If God wanted me there for His purposes, I knew that I needed to stay, no matter how I felt. The problem was, I didn't know what God wanted. I asked God plain and simple, "What should I do?" There wasn't an immediate answer, but He did give me one that day.
I went on facebook that morning, and I had a message in my inbox waiting for me from one of my close friends. She wrote a good morning message for my first morning in the hospital. It was full of encouragement, and God spoke directly through her to me, addressing many things I had been praying about. This softened my heart and lead me to tears. Somewhere in this moment, I belive that God spoke to me and gave me an answer. I believe He said to me, "Amanda, if you can't get through a week of being here, relying on and trusting in me, even when you can't stand your circumstances, how do you expect to fully relate to and encourage your patients? Trust in me, even when its uncomfortable and inconvenient." After God spoke this there was an immediate change in my heart, that I cannot fully explain. I no longer felt frusterated and impatient, I felt at peace, and I felt joy. I knew that God had purpose in the days that I was going to be there, and I looked forward to what He was going to do. I suddenly felt like talking to people and being sociable (whereas before, I honestly did not).
The night before I came to the hospital, I prayed that God would have His hand on who my nurses and other caregivers were going to be. God heard me. So many of my nurses and respiratory therapists were Christians. In fact, one night I talked with my RT for a good hour about God. So cool. One morning I had another RT who was not a Christian and God gave me just enough time to very briefly share Christ with her. GOD IS SO GOOD! One nurse that I had, graduated from APU and was normally a nurse in the oncology unit (which is what I want to do!), so I got to talk to her about that some!
The main piece of scripture that I clung to while I was there was Philippians 4:6-9,11-13

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus...Fix you thoughts on things above....I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

God is good. He is with me (and you) wherever I go. He made beauty out of a not so terrific situation.
I am back at Biola getting ready to start clinicals, and I have a whole new passion for being with patients. I want to love them and show them the Love of my King. When I am in a hospital, I feel a joy and excitement that I don't have anywhere else. Not out of some sick enjoyment of sickness, but becuase I know that in that setting is where my gifts can be best put to use. I can't wait to start clinicals!!!

God is my strength, in all situations. Even when I don't think that I need His strength to get by, I DO!! He is my hope and my joy. May He be your's as well!!!