My first time being hospitalized for CF:

I am back at Biola now and getting ready to start classes tomorrow. Things have moved so fast these past few weeks.

On August 12th I had a doctors appointment at USC to see how I was doing after the car accident and before school started back up. I went in that morning and had a PFT (pulomonary function test) done. This is a test where I suck in as much air as possible, as fast as possible and when I can't hold any more air in my lungs I blow it out as fast as possible for as long as possible until I have nothing left. I do this test everytime I go to the doctor. They can tell what my lung capacity is by doing this test.
Anyway, so I did this test on the 12th. My lung function had gone down enough that my doctors said that I needed to be hospitalized asap. Now before you get too excited know that I am new to the the clinic at USC and they like all of their Cystic Fibrosis patients to go into the hospital for treatment for at least a week. I have been used to Loma Linda though, where they always would let me do home IV antibiotics. So when my doctors told me that I would need to be admitted to the hospital I wasn't too surprised, and honestly a bit relieved. I knew that I would need IVs soon and I also knew that I was starting school in a few weeks, and did not want to have to miss any classes or clinicals to go into the hospital for treatments.
They told me that they wanted me to be in the hospital for one week and then I would be able to finish the IVs myself for one more week. I thought, "Ok, I can do this." I came home that day, told my parents, called work and told them I couldn't work that weekend afterall, and packed my bag full of comfy clothes and anything that would keep me from going crazy with bordem.
That next morning my mom and I drove back down to USC University Hospital and I was taken to what would be my room for the next week.
This was my very first time being hospitalized for CF and it was a very strange reality. I have only been hospitalized one other time in my life and it was for the swine flu last summer. During that stay I was delirious for the majority of the time and was glad to be in the hospital with people who could take care of me and give me pain meds. But being in the hospital this time was completely different. I felt healthy for the most part, energetic, and very much alert. I wanted to walk, be outside, and take care of myself.
When I first got settled into my room and said to myself, "This isn't that bad, I can make it through one week, and I will feel so much better afterwards." After being there for a few hours though, my optimistic attitude began to change some. Little things began to bug me. For example I would be used to taking a certain medication each day and I asked for it when I didn't see it with my dinner, but the nurse said that I couldn't have it because the doctor hadn't ordered it for some reason. It wasn't the nurse's fault, but it bugged me. The same thing happened with a breathing treatment, and the way they treated my diabetes. By the end of the first night I felt frusterated, impatient, and honestly a bit prideful. In the hospital I was having done to me everything that I have always done myself in the past. I felt like I could be doing the exact same thing myself, at home, and probably take better care of myself than could be done in the hospital. I was restless and I couldn't stand being there.
The next morning I talked to my mom and one of my sisters about it and told them that I wanted to talk to my doctor and see if I could just do this myself, at home. After getting off of the phone with them, I prayed. I told God what I was feeling. The only thing holding me back from calling the dr at that moment to talk to him was the thought that maybe God wanted me to spend this week in the hospital for a reason. If God wanted me there for His purposes, I knew that I needed to stay, no matter how I felt. The problem was, I didn't know what God wanted. I asked God plain and simple, "What should I do?" There wasn't an immediate answer, but He did give me one that day.
I went on facebook that morning, and I had a message in my inbox waiting for me from one of my close friends. She wrote a good morning message for my first morning in the hospital. It was full of encouragement, and God spoke directly through her to me, addressing many things I had been praying about. This softened my heart and lead me to tears. Somewhere in this moment, I belive that God spoke to me and gave me an answer. I believe He said to me, "Amanda, if you can't get through a week of being here, relying on and trusting in me, even when you can't stand your circumstances, how do you expect to fully relate to and encourage your patients? Trust in me, even when its uncomfortable and inconvenient." After God spoke this there was an immediate change in my heart, that I cannot fully explain. I no longer felt frusterated and impatient, I felt at peace, and I felt joy. I knew that God had purpose in the days that I was going to be there, and I looked forward to what He was going to do. I suddenly felt like talking to people and being sociable (whereas before, I honestly did not).
The night before I came to the hospital, I prayed that God would have His hand on who my nurses and other caregivers were going to be. God heard me. So many of my nurses and respiratory therapists were Christians. In fact, one night I talked with my RT for a good hour about God. So cool. One morning I had another RT who was not a Christian and God gave me just enough time to very briefly share Christ with her. GOD IS SO GOOD! One nurse that I had, graduated from APU and was normally a nurse in the oncology unit (which is what I want to do!), so I got to talk to her about that some!
The main piece of scripture that I clung to while I was there was Philippians 4:6-9,11-13

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus...Fix you thoughts on things above....I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

God is good. He is with me (and you) wherever I go. He made beauty out of a not so terrific situation.
I am back at Biola getting ready to start clinicals, and I have a whole new passion for being with patients. I want to love them and show them the Love of my King. When I am in a hospital, I feel a joy and excitement that I don't have anywhere else. Not out of some sick enjoyment of sickness, but becuase I know that in that setting is where my gifts can be best put to use. I can't wait to start clinicals!!!

God is my strength, in all situations. Even when I don't think that I need His strength to get by, I DO!! He is my hope and my joy. May He be your's as well!!!

Jesus Pulled Us Out From the Rubble

The summer is fast coming to an end, and I am getting ready to start the Nursing program at Biola! Wow, time flys!
God taught me, took me through, and pulled me out of so many things this summer! Each summer He has something new to teach me, and my eyes become open to new aspects of His character, and I find myself more and more in awe of my Savior. Just thinking about it now, my heart overflows with awe, thankfullness, and my eyes fill with tears. The more God teaches me about Himself, the more I become aware of my desperate need for Him in all situations.
I can't start this off any other way than to thank God. Thank you for being my Help, my Sustainer, my Father, my Resting place, my Protector, my Salvation.

"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!" - Ps. 121:1-2

" Shout with joy to the LORD, all the earth! Worship the LORD with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the LORD is God! He made us, and we are His." Ps. 100:1-3

"I rejoice in your Word like one who discovers a great treasure." - Ps. 119:162

Ok so now to tell about this summer! One of the things that God taught me was how to give a reason and defense for why I believe. I have been working at Bass Outlet for a summer job; somewhere that I know God put me for His purposes. I had/have been praying this summer for oppurtunities to share Christ or at least be an representation of Him to others. God gave me two opportunites to share! I realized that I am not the one who makes opportunities, God does. My part is to see them and be willing to take advantage of them.
The other part of how God taught me about giving a defense was this: One day I went Grass Valley lake to read my Bible and pray. I had just opened my Bible and started reading when this man who was walking his dogs asked, "Good book?" I replied by saying, "Yes, its the Bible, its the best book." He was surprised and interested. It turned out he really didn't know much at all about it. He didn't even know the gospel message. I told him that the Bible was life-changing, and I told him about Jesus and what He had done for him on the cross. He had A LOT of questions though. I could answer most of them, but many I had to investigate scripture and find the answers. I have never been confident in my ability to share my reason for believing. Don't get me wrong, I understand it myself and I am very confident in my beliefs, but I struggle with explaining it to others. God confronted that insecurity in me by using me to witness to this man. I found myself digging through the Bible for answers and I found myself better understanding why I believe, and feeling more confident about explaining it to someone else. This man still doesn't believe, but I know our conversations were not a waste. I gave him a Bible and I pray that one day His eyes will be opened to the most life-giving truth this world could know.

Another amazing thing happened this summer! God answered a huge prayer! I and many people had been praying that my roommate and precious friend, Jamie, would be able to get into the Nursing program this year. When we got our letters, her's said that she was on the waiting list. So we were praying and praying, and just recently she received a call telling her that she got a spot in the program!!!! :) GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!!!

Sometimes your life needs to be shaken in order for you to truly understand your desperate need for Jesus. This summer, my life was shaken.
It was July 17th and my friends and I were out near Big bear at a campground to surprise our friend Alyssa for her 18th birthday. It was going to be a sleep-over camping trip, under the stars. However, myself and two others could not spend the night so we would be driving home that night. After eating hot dogs and smore's by the camp fire, the three of us set out on our way back home before it got too late. It was about 10:30pm when we left. One dear friend sat in the drivers seat, another dear friend in the passengers, and I in the back behind the passengers seat. It would be about an hour drive. The first part of the drive was full of laughter and fun. Eventually though we all quieted down, as we all begin to feel the long day coming to a close. We were about 2 minutes from my house on Grass Valley road when in a split second, our day took a surprise turn. I remember looking at the road and all the sudden seeing us swerve off to the right. Before I knew it we were rolling and with a sudden stop, I found myself upside-down. I heard my dear friends asking if we were all ok. I was fine, my chest just hurt bad from where the seat belt was. My dear friends crawled out of the front windows themselves. I heard my dear friend who was driving start praying for me. I began to pray too. Then I heard voices around the car. Then I heard a man's voice right by me. He had crawled through the back window to get me. He asked if I was ok and what my name was. Then he told me that he was going to unbuckle my seatbelt. He did and I plopped on the roof of the car. Through the darkness I saw my wallet and phone that had fallen out of my purse and grabbed them. I had one flip-flop on. The kind man pulled me out of the car without touching any glass. He and someone else walked me over to the curb where my two friends sat. We were all praising God! My chest hurst really bad. I couldn't take a full breath. I held my dear friend's hand as we prayed and said scripture together. Soon, the ambulance came and took one of my friends and I. My other friend came separately to the hospital. When we arrived they took a CT scan and X-rays. Nothing was broken...on any of us. We were sore and shaken up, but fine. God sustained us. He pulled us fromt he rubble.
The weeks that followed the accident were hard. It took weeks to heal fully, and emotionally, things were strange. The first time I worshiped through music, everything came up to the surface. For the first time I cried and cried from the depths of my soul. It wasn't a sad cry or a pity cry. I just had to cry. I asked God why I was in that car. Not in a angry way, but a curious way. I don't know for sure why I was, but I know I was meant to be.
We all were. And God is good. Those things I know for sure.
Thinking and praying about the accident, God opened my eyes to see it as a beautiful illustration of what Jesus did for us on the cross.
We found ourselves helpless and hurting in the amsidt the rubble, desperate for someone to rescue us. This is where we are without Christ. On the cross, Jesus died in place of us, pulled of from the rubble (sin), brushed us off (cleansed us), and healed us. Jesus is our Savior.
If this accident was meant for nothing more than for us to recognize our desperate need for Christ, it had a beautiful purpose.
Even when we think that we are in control, we aren't. GOD IS.

Healthwise, things are ok. I go to the doctor this week to see how things are going. Since the accident my lungs haven't been great. Part of me wants to go on IV antibiotics now, before school starts, so I won't have to worry about missing school. I am starting clinicals this semester, so missing is not good at all. This is something that has been weighing heavy these past few weeks. Its one of those situations where is doesn't make sense, but I have to trust God. I KNOW that He has called me to be a nurse. And I know He has me in this program, now, for a reason. I just have to trust that even though the future isn't perfectly planned out, and CF and an intense nursing program don't really mesh well, that He has a good plan for me. If you could pray for this I would very much appreciate it.

I think that's it for now! I will continue to keep you updated! God bless you all! May you Rest in His faithful, loving arms!