Saturday, August 18, 2012

I Don't Have a Impressive Title for this One; Just an Impressive God Who Never Fails Me

    It has been a while since I have written a post on here. Life has been busy and time has flown by so fast. I wanted to write to update my friends and family on not only my health over the past few months, but also on  what I have seen God doing, and how I have learned (and am still learning) what it is to cling to my Savior, through faith, even when I don't see Him doing anything.
    First for the health update. Last November, as my previous post talks about, I was in the hospital for a round of IV antibiotics. Since then, I had been doing very well. I was able to maintain my lung function up where it was when I first got out of the hospital, and I didn't have to miss any school spring semester 2012 for health reasons (Praise God!!). This summer, I gradually began feeling less well. It started with a little more congestion, increased cough, and then waking up in the night coughing more and more. I went to the doctor for a routine appointment and my lung function had decreased some. My doctor told me to increase my treatments to 3 times a day and to come back in a week, where we would decide if I needed IV antibiotics again or not. So, like a good patient, I increased my treatments. After a few days, I went from feeling "blah" to "oh dear goodness, please get me into the hospital!" I developed a persistent, horrible cough, felt completely zapped of energy, and my blood sugars were elevated (indicative of an infection), and after two days of that, I decided to call my doctor to see if he thought I should just go into the hospital then. My doctor agreed that I should come in, so I was admitted the next morning to USC.
    This visit to the hospital was different from the others. Normally, while I don't feel great when I first get to the hospital, I still have enough energy to walk laps around the unit, and feel myself enough to want to escape the building after being there for a couple hours. This time, however, I did not have that energy and I actually wanted to be there because I knew I needed to be. I didn't feel myself. My oxygen saturation while at rest was between 92-95% (while this is not dangerously low, my normal resting is between 97-99%). In addition, I couldn't have a conversation with someone without becoming very short of breath and coughing. When I tried to take a walk around the unit, one lap exhausted me and brought my O2 down to 90% (not favorable). Thankfully within a week of being there I felt a lot better, and was able to gradually do more physical activity without de-satting. After 2 weeks of being on IVs my lung function improved, but still isn't back up to where it was after I was hospitalized last time.
    Currently, I feel better, but not 100%. My blood sugars have been higher than their normal range ever since the hospital, and I can't seem to get them well controlled yet. I am supposed to see my endocrinologist next month about this. In addition, my Allergic Broncho-pulmonary Aspergillosis (aka: allergic reaction to a fungus) has flared up again. This "flare up" causes inflammation and further lung damage if not controlled. This past semester, before going into the hospital, my doctors put me on Prednisone again for it for a couple months. God gave me peace during that. The Prednisone helped some, but not enough. Now my levels are back up. I'm not sure what the plan is yet this time. I'm really sick of Prednisone though, and I pray that my doctors could either find something else that will work, or that God would just heal me of it completely (this is obviously the preferred option). All of these things I would really appreciate prayer for if you feel lead to do so (Lung function, Diabetes and Aspergillosis flare up).
  
    As far as other life updates, I just started a job at City of Hope as a Patient Care Assistant. I hope to work there through my last year of nursing school. I love it. It can be physically and emotionally hard work, but I am enjoying it a lot so far at least. Another example of God's perfect timing is that my orientation for this job started the day after finishing my IV antibiotics. God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. The job itself was a gift from God and I went through a lot of opposition to get there. I don't want to write too much, but lets just say that I am experiencing what it is really like to be a health care provider with a chronic illness and peoples' reactions to that. God is good though, and no matter what area of nursing I end up in, and regardless of my career at all, I know God is faithful and wherever He leads, I know He will have the glory and He has blessings for me in it.

    This past year or so has been hard in almost every aspect. I have been frustrated with myself because I see my faith lacking in many areas, and my soul is weary and timid. I have lacked boldness in proclaiming the gospel to others. With these things said, I think God, in His grace, has used this time to break me of myself (by this I mean my need to present myself to others as "has it together Christian" and having pride in myself as a result). What Christian really has it together anyway? By calling oneself a Christian isn't that insinuating that we acknowledge our brokenness and need for a Savior? Not one of us on this earth "has it all together" - including myself. I have clung to the truth that God is Sovereign, Good, All-powerful and Unchanging, and that's enough. Even when I don't hear Him or see Him doing huge things in my life, by faith, I can still trust that He is in control, sovereign over all things, and has a good plan for my life. I don't have anything amazing to say; nothing to point to my own righteousness, because the only thing good in me is HIM - Jesus Christ. HE robes me with righteousness and life ( Isaiah 61:10). May this blog point to HIM who is able to bring life to the dead, healing to the broken, and hope to those without it. Its not about me, we are all on this journey together, I just pray that you would realize that there is a living and holy God who loves you and who desires to walk with you (and carry you when needed) through this life.
Thank you for reading.

  Psalm 31:14-15
"But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands."