Dependence is such a foreign concept to most people today, and to many it has a negative connotation. And yet, we were all created to be desperately dependent on God, our Creator. By His word, we have life each day, He breathes life into our lungs both physically and spiritually. His grace is the only reason you and I are taking a breath right now.
This has been a rough year health-wise. Since the beginning of this year I have not really felt like my normal self in regards to my lungs. For the first half of the year I felt off, but my PFTs (pulmonary function tests) consistently showed that I was doing fine. They just didn't seem to match up. This summer my doctors put me on oral Cipro (an antibiotic) to see if that would help me feel better - it did nothing. Then, in August of this year, I got a cold and struggled to recover completely from it. In addition, I lost almost ten pounds from it so I decided to call my doctor to see if I could come in for an appointment to see how my lungs were doing after the cold. My numbers were down, specifically my smaller airways. They were concerned about this because in chronic lung disease the smaller airways are the first to have damage because that is where all of the mucus sits and infections harbor. Once damage occurs it is irreversible and oxygen exchange is impaired. So it makes sense why they were so worried about this number and determined to get it up. My doctors decided that I should be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics and aggressive breathing treatments and chest PT in order to fight the infection. So I went in during the first week back at school. It worked out really well though because I didn't have to miss any clinicals. I was in the hospital for one week and then finished the course of IV antibiotics at home/school the second week. When I finished the antibiotics I felt better and my numbers improved; not as much as my doctors wanted, but an improvement.
Within 1-2 weeks after finishing however, I started to feel sick again pretty suddenly. Normally the symptoms (congestion, cough, shortness of breath, fatigue) come back gradually over time, but this time it was very sudden. I went back to the doctor after about a month of feeling like this and it turned out that my lung function had gone back down to where it was before I went into the hospital the first time. They told me that they wanted me to increase my breathing treatments to 3-4x a day for the next 2 weeks and then come back, and if my PFT numbers had not improved then I would probably have to be hospitalized again. At first this shocked me. I had never been on IV antibiotics any closer together than 4 months (and that was only when my doctors were doing it prophylacticly, not even because I was sick enough to need them). So needless to say this was a bit overwhelming. After two weeks of trying to increase my treatments the best I could, I went back to the doctor and my lung function had not improved. So they made the decision to admit into the hospital for 2 weeks. They want to do all they can before they feel comfortable saying that this is just my new baseline, which I agree with. So here I am, back at USC.
I am still learning what it is to be dependent on God, and will for the rest of my life. We are dependent on Him for breath, we are dependent on Him for life physical and eternal, we are dependent on Him in whatever circumstance life brings us whether we realize it or not. He is in control without fail.
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge."
- Psalm 62:5-8
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