With Thanksgiving approaching, I can think of countless things to be thankful for. I find it amazing that I was born into this world surrounded by a loving family devoted to serving and loving God, given the most wonderful friends, I live in a beautiful place, go to a great college, I am studying to have a job as a nurse that my heart burns with passion for, and I have been given health and am sustained by the hand of the One who knitt me together in my mother's womb. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve or earn these things...it is completely out of God's amazing grace; for that I am tremendously thankful!
A little update on the health too! I have been on my IV antibiotics for the past 2 and a half weeks or so. I get to finish them this Thursday!!
For some reason, this round of IV meds has been a lot more of a burden on my shoulders than the others. Not for any particular reason though...I don't really understand it.
Originally I was only supposed to be on the IV meds for two weeks, but after the first week my doctor called and decided to put me on one more antibiotic. That day I felt really discouraged, weighed down and weary - agian i'm not really sure why, becuase i normally take 2 different kinds of IV meds anyway. The whole day I was feeling really overwhelmed, but when i went to dinner that night something changed. I was in the caf eating with some of my friends and God allowed two things to happen. I was able to help someone by offering them a ride to the pharmacy, and I ran into a girl who is in one of my classes who was going through some major health difficulties and stopped to talk with her for a short time and offered her some encouragement.
I say these things not to brag about things i did, but really just the opposite reason. When I walked out of the caf that night, something changed. I literally had a renewed peace, joy, and energy. I realized that by taking the focus off of myself and onto those around me in need, my load didn't seem so heavy anymore - in fact it was a joy to carry if it meant that God could use it to show others His love for them.
Sometimes the loads we have to carry seem too heavy, they weigh us down and zap our joy away from us. Sometimes though, I truly beleive that God allows those loads to show those around us that He cares deeply for them and loves them eternally. Picture a weak old woman carrying a huge bag over her shoulder; at first she struggles, but when she directs her face to the Lord, she finds the strength to go on carrying it. As she moves forward, she begins standing more upright like the bag doesn't weigh anything. God is strong in her weakness - that's what gives her the strength to press on. And more than that, what makes it worth it all is to pass by someone else who is having trouble carrying their load and stopping to help them. Sharing with them that the only reason you stand with joy and can carry the load you have without collapsing is becuase God took the weight from it on himself through His Son Jesus. We don't have to bear the wieght. The loads we carry in life don't always go away, but the weight of them can and do, by the precious blood of Christ.
I don't know if that analogy made sense, but I felt i needed to share it. If you are carrying any heavy weight on your shoulders, know that the weight of it wasn't meant for you to carry.
"give all your cares and worries to God, for he cares about you." - 1 Peter 5:7
May you be truly blessed this Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
10th Round of IV Antibiotics - 4th Time Using Port:
I went to the doctor on October 28th for a follow up after my oral antibiotics. My lung function was exactly the same - 45%. This didn't really surprise me because I didn't feel much different after taking them. Come to find out though that they didn't work because I am now resistant to Cipro (the antibiotic I was taking) and Tobramyacin, another one that I take as a breathing treatment. Resistant just means that it no longer kills the bacteria growing in my lungs because the bacteria has developed a "resistance" to it.
My doctor decided to start me on IV antibiotics again. Ever since I had the swine flu this past summer, my lung function has not been the same. I am taking an antibiotic called Meropenem, which I have taken before. I'm hoping and praying that it will restore some of my lung function back. My doctor also wants me to try to do my breathing treatments 3 times a day, along with my vest. I honestly don't know how I'm going to find time to do it that many times with classes and homework to keep up with, but I am certainly going to try. This is one thing that is really overwhelming for me, so if you could pray that I could balance all these things I would so appreciate it.
I lost one more pound which was a bit discouraging since I had been stuffing myself silly for the past two weeks. My doctor also told me that I should make an appointment to see my Endocrinologist to talk to him about getting an insulin pump. I have never seen an insulin pump before, but apparently it works similarly to the pancrease in that it releases insulin each time I eat. It just stays attached to me all day instead of having to give myself insulin shots before every meal. I'm not sure what to think of this. In a way it would be nice so I won't have to carries around my insulin and needles everywhere I go, but its new and its really overwhelming thinking about one more thing i'm going to have to deal with somehow.
I am supposed to go back to the doctor on November 12th to see if I can be done with my IV meds. While going on my IV antibiotics every four months or so gets repetitive and tiresome, each time is different in that God teaches me something new and reveals Himself, and His sweet comfort, peace and rest, to me in new ways each time. For that I am thankful, but it is still hard.
Right now particularly I am feeling very burdened by it all. I feel God gently reminding me that I I am not supposed to carry this on my own - its not mine to carry. He reminds me to trust in Him and depend on Him to carry me through as He has time and time again in the past. How sweet it is to Have a Savior who cares for us and comforts us when we need it most.
I would so appreciate some prayers as I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now. Pray for not only that the IV meds would work and the other things I mentioned in here, but most of all that no matter what God's will is that I could better know Him and His grace through this, that my heart would be teachable that He might teach me new ways to depend on Him. And most of all, pray that no matter what happens God would be glorified through me and my CF. Its all for Him.
Thank you for reading!
My doctor decided to start me on IV antibiotics again. Ever since I had the swine flu this past summer, my lung function has not been the same. I am taking an antibiotic called Meropenem, which I have taken before. I'm hoping and praying that it will restore some of my lung function back. My doctor also wants me to try to do my breathing treatments 3 times a day, along with my vest. I honestly don't know how I'm going to find time to do it that many times with classes and homework to keep up with, but I am certainly going to try. This is one thing that is really overwhelming for me, so if you could pray that I could balance all these things I would so appreciate it.
I lost one more pound which was a bit discouraging since I had been stuffing myself silly for the past two weeks. My doctor also told me that I should make an appointment to see my Endocrinologist to talk to him about getting an insulin pump. I have never seen an insulin pump before, but apparently it works similarly to the pancrease in that it releases insulin each time I eat. It just stays attached to me all day instead of having to give myself insulin shots before every meal. I'm not sure what to think of this. In a way it would be nice so I won't have to carries around my insulin and needles everywhere I go, but its new and its really overwhelming thinking about one more thing i'm going to have to deal with somehow.
I am supposed to go back to the doctor on November 12th to see if I can be done with my IV meds. While going on my IV antibiotics every four months or so gets repetitive and tiresome, each time is different in that God teaches me something new and reveals Himself, and His sweet comfort, peace and rest, to me in new ways each time. For that I am thankful, but it is still hard.
Right now particularly I am feeling very burdened by it all. I feel God gently reminding me that I I am not supposed to carry this on my own - its not mine to carry. He reminds me to trust in Him and depend on Him to carry me through as He has time and time again in the past. How sweet it is to Have a Savior who cares for us and comforts us when we need it most.
I would so appreciate some prayers as I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now. Pray for not only that the IV meds would work and the other things I mentioned in here, but most of all that no matter what God's will is that I could better know Him and His grace through this, that my heart would be teachable that He might teach me new ways to depend on Him. And most of all, pray that no matter what happens God would be glorified through me and my CF. Its all for Him.
Thank you for reading!
Monday, October 12, 2009
A Fall Update!
It is finally starting to feel like fall, and O how I love it! God has been flooding my life with His grace and teaching me new things about Him everyday this semester. How sweet it is to live in the freedom of our Savior, walking with Him intimately as He graciously gives peace and joy that overflows from us in even the crummiest of situations. He is my calm in the storm, my joy in the sorrow, my peace in the stressful times, my rest in the midst of the business, and my strength when I feel sick and weak. He is my everything, and I pray each day that I would be His entirely!
Ok, so here is a the current update on my health! I haven't been feeling as great these past few weeks. On October 6th I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. It was good timing because I was just getting over a nasty cold that made my lungs not so wonderful feeling. My lung function was at 45% of normal; so it went down a little bit from last time. Last time I went in (in august) it was at 49%. The doctors want my lung function to be at my baseline (or average high) which is around 55%. Last time I was at 55% was at the beginning of the year when I was on a high dose of prednisone. Ever since i had the swine flu, it hasn't been back up.
Also, at the doctor I lost 2 lbs, which may not seem like a big deal, but it is to my doctors. The more weight I lose, the harder it is for my body to fight off infections. So these were the instructions I left with: 1.) eat, eat, eat 2.) My dr put me on Cipro oral anitbiotics for 2 weeks to help get rid of whatever my cold did to my lungs; if they don't make a big difference and i'm still feeling gross I will most likely go on IV antibiotics. 3.) My doctor thinks that I may need to start taking Insulin before every meal now to regulate my sugars better; when my sugars aren't regulated, then my lungs suffer too. I am supposed to talk to my Endocrinologist soon about this.
That's pretty much it. I'm just supposed to keep taking care of myself the best I can and I trust that God will do the rest.
He sustains me everyday! I was walking around my college campus the other day and God put this thought in my mind - I am so thankful that I can walk aroung normally without having to carry oxygen with me, I am so thankful for breath. I mean I always am, but He just gave me a renewed sense of that. :)
Also, as a side note, God is teaching me boldness in compassion, specifically in prayer. I am a part of a ministry on campus now called Soul Care Ministry, where we reach out to people who are hurting or suffering in anyway and offer them prayer. Also, I found the most wonderful church down here! God has truly answered my prayers about that! I'm so excited and so thankful!
I hope this finds whoever is reading this well! Thank you for taking the time to read it! :)
Ok, so here is a the current update on my health! I haven't been feeling as great these past few weeks. On October 6th I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. It was good timing because I was just getting over a nasty cold that made my lungs not so wonderful feeling. My lung function was at 45% of normal; so it went down a little bit from last time. Last time I went in (in august) it was at 49%. The doctors want my lung function to be at my baseline (or average high) which is around 55%. Last time I was at 55% was at the beginning of the year when I was on a high dose of prednisone. Ever since i had the swine flu, it hasn't been back up.
Also, at the doctor I lost 2 lbs, which may not seem like a big deal, but it is to my doctors. The more weight I lose, the harder it is for my body to fight off infections. So these were the instructions I left with: 1.) eat, eat, eat 2.) My dr put me on Cipro oral anitbiotics for 2 weeks to help get rid of whatever my cold did to my lungs; if they don't make a big difference and i'm still feeling gross I will most likely go on IV antibiotics. 3.) My doctor thinks that I may need to start taking Insulin before every meal now to regulate my sugars better; when my sugars aren't regulated, then my lungs suffer too. I am supposed to talk to my Endocrinologist soon about this.
That's pretty much it. I'm just supposed to keep taking care of myself the best I can and I trust that God will do the rest.
He sustains me everyday! I was walking around my college campus the other day and God put this thought in my mind - I am so thankful that I can walk aroung normally without having to carry oxygen with me, I am so thankful for breath. I mean I always am, but He just gave me a renewed sense of that. :)
Also, as a side note, God is teaching me boldness in compassion, specifically in prayer. I am a part of a ministry on campus now called Soul Care Ministry, where we reach out to people who are hurting or suffering in anyway and offer them prayer. Also, I found the most wonderful church down here! God has truly answered my prayers about that! I'm so excited and so thankful!
I hope this finds whoever is reading this well! Thank you for taking the time to read it! :)
Friday, August 28, 2009
College so far...
I just started my second year at Biola in the Pre-nursing program. This semester my hardest task is tackling Microbiology. Its gonna be a tough but wonderful semester. As long as I keep my eyes focused on the One who gives me Perfect Peace through any situation. I was talking to my roommate Jamie about it today and we realized something. It is so easy to get caught up in the stress of these classes, but when it comes down to it its not even about us. I am studying to be a nurse not for my own benefit or so I can say " yes, I am an RN and I worked hard for it!"....NO I am studying to be a nurse first for the glory of God and second for other people. I will have a career of loving people!!! How awesome an opportunity is that? So really all the crazy hard work I am doing is for those people, not me at all. If one person could be treated, healed, or even saved becuase of God using me as a nurse....this will all be SO worth it! So that is the mindset I am determined to take as I press on in the nursing program.
As far as health, not too much new to tell. I went to see my Endocrinologist earlier this month to talk about my sugar levels. For now I am just supposed to continue taking insulin everyday and keeping track of my blood sugar levels for the next six months and then we'll see after that I guess.
It was such a blessing too!! When I went to the dr., after my appointment my doctor asked if he could pray for me! I was so blessed by him doing that. It was the first time that anyone has ever asked to pray for me in a public health setting. It encouraged me and made me even more excited to be a nurse and be able to show others the love of Christ in my job. Whether its being able to pray with them or just love them through my actions, I can't wait! :)
I have been feeling ok since I have been at college. My lungs have been feeling a bit goopier than normal lately so I'm hoping there is nothing going on in there. I'm just trying to do my part and take care of my lungs and I trust God to do the rest.
This semester I believe God has called me to trust Him in news ways and to step out and love people boldly! My prayer is that I would not waste a single day I am given. I want to give Him everything and I pray for a deeper desire to share His AMAZING love with others. I don't know what He has planned, but I can't wait to see!
As far as health, not too much new to tell. I went to see my Endocrinologist earlier this month to talk about my sugar levels. For now I am just supposed to continue taking insulin everyday and keeping track of my blood sugar levels for the next six months and then we'll see after that I guess.
It was such a blessing too!! When I went to the dr., after my appointment my doctor asked if he could pray for me! I was so blessed by him doing that. It was the first time that anyone has ever asked to pray for me in a public health setting. It encouraged me and made me even more excited to be a nurse and be able to show others the love of Christ in my job. Whether its being able to pray with them or just love them through my actions, I can't wait! :)
I have been feeling ok since I have been at college. My lungs have been feeling a bit goopier than normal lately so I'm hoping there is nothing going on in there. I'm just trying to do my part and take care of my lungs and I trust God to do the rest.
This semester I believe God has called me to trust Him in news ways and to step out and love people boldly! My prayer is that I would not waste a single day I am given. I want to give Him everything and I pray for a deeper desire to share His AMAZING love with others. I don't know what He has planned, but I can't wait to see!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My health in 2009 so far: The Swine Flu Miracle
Going into my second semester at Biola I was doing much better health-wise. I was put on a high dose of prednisone (50mg) for a couple months and itraconazole. This helped so much and brought my lung function back up to 56%! My doctors slowly began weening me down on my prednisone. By April I was taking 5mg every other day. The only reason I couldn't stop taking it all together was because my adrenal glands became supressed and stopped making enough of their own cortisol for me to get by on.
By the end of the semester my lung function was back to around 50% and I went on my 9th round of IV antibiotics at the beginning of the summer. They made me feel better, but didn't change my lung function at all.
A couple weeks after finishing those IV antibiotics, something very unexpected happened. On June 15th I developed a headache and a fever of about 101. I figured I was just coming down with something or the infection in my lungs wasn't completely taken care of with the IV meds. That night I woke up around 4am shivering uncontrollably and I had a horrible headache. I could tell I had a high fever, so I got up to take my temperature. It was around 102 at the time so I took some tylenol. I tried to go back to sleep but found it hard to rest at all. By morning my fever had only intensified and my head and body ached more than I had ever experienced before. As time went on, things only got worse. I called my doctor and they said that I should be admitted to the hospital. They suspected I might have an infection in my portacath.
By the time I got to the hospital that evening on the 16th my fever was around 103, I couldn't walk, I was barely concious and I had weird jolting spasms every few seconds. They put me in the emergency room until they could get me a bed and gave me some intense pain medication that was absolutely wonderful.
I was finally moved to my own room where I could sleep the rest of the night. The next morning my fever was about the same and my head and body aches were just as intense. They gave me vikaden, morphine, and finally some other IV pain med that did the trick. The whole time my family was there beside me and my friends whether physically there or not were bringing me encouragement too. John (my soon to be brother in law) read to me from the Bible. I remember him reading from Psalm 91 and how comforting it was. My mom and sisters were there with me too and although I may not have seemed appreciative then, words cannot express how much it meant to me. My daddy was out of town but came later on, and I am so happy he got to come when he did. I had beautiful flowers and visitors from my church that I had never even met. I am SO incredibly thankful to those people who were there and who prayed for me. That alone was a humbling, blessed experience. I am so blessed beyond what I deserve!
Anyway, that next night was without a doubt the worst. My fever was still really high so they covered me in ice packs. It got to the point where I could not even move my hand to my head without feeling like I was going to puke. Alyssa Trammell was there with me most of that night though, putting wash clothes on my head and tending to my needs.
Being in the hospital is a very humbling experience. I was NOT allowed to get up from my bed because of my O2 levels and therefore had to be acquainted with the "bed pan." Yes, that is something I never expected to have to deal with at the age of 19, but then again I didn't expect to get the swine flu when I first heard of the outbreak. Haha... humbling experiences like that are just the thing to make you smile and thank God for the simple abilities that we have and take for granted.
By the next morning, my fever slowly went down and I, very gradually, started to get my appetite back (which is not easy to do with hospital food might I add). The next thing I faced was a nasty cough. I developed a persistent irritating cough that went on all through the night. Definitely haven't worked so hard to breathe ever before. During the next couple days in the hospital my cough gradually improved and my fever came and went, but eventually left completely.
Let me interject here and say that it wasn't until the third or fourth day in the hospital that the doctors found out that I had a case of the flu. When they did diagnose me with the flu they only knew I had Influenza A. I was not diagnosed with the Swine Flu until after I came home!
Anyway, as I gradually got to feeling better, my appetite came back and I could be off of my oxygen the doctors discussed when to let me go home. During the last four days or so I was in an isolation room. I got pretty stir crazy and when I got to come home, I was so thankful to get out of that room. All together, I was in the hospital one week.
In returning home I was introduced to insulin shots! My blood sugar level had risen since I had been in the hospital and now have to be monitored and treated with insulin. The reason for my high sugar levels is mainly due to my taking prednisone (it causes sugar levels to rise). I am currently still taking insulin and am not sure yet when or if I will be getting off of it.
I recentely visited the doctor and my lung fuction is at 47%, which isn't great but almost back to where it was before I went into the hospital (it was at 49% before). The doctors want me at my baseline though which is 55%. I am on 10mg of prednisone every other day now and hope to ween myself down to 5mg e.o.d. within the next month.
Right now my prayer is that my body could make enough of its own cortisol again so I will be able to get off of the prednisone for good. Also that my Aspergillosis could be under control so I won't have to continue to take prednisone.
While I am thankful for all the meds that are available to treat me, I also want to be on as less as possible. Prednisone has some nasty side effects and to be honest, it is very tiresome being on this steriod. I know God has things under control though, I just need to keep trusting.
So yeah, I survived the Swine flu! And God was the one who sustained me through it even when I didn't know I had it!
By the end of the semester my lung function was back to around 50% and I went on my 9th round of IV antibiotics at the beginning of the summer. They made me feel better, but didn't change my lung function at all.
A couple weeks after finishing those IV antibiotics, something very unexpected happened. On June 15th I developed a headache and a fever of about 101. I figured I was just coming down with something or the infection in my lungs wasn't completely taken care of with the IV meds. That night I woke up around 4am shivering uncontrollably and I had a horrible headache. I could tell I had a high fever, so I got up to take my temperature. It was around 102 at the time so I took some tylenol. I tried to go back to sleep but found it hard to rest at all. By morning my fever had only intensified and my head and body ached more than I had ever experienced before. As time went on, things only got worse. I called my doctor and they said that I should be admitted to the hospital. They suspected I might have an infection in my portacath.
By the time I got to the hospital that evening on the 16th my fever was around 103, I couldn't walk, I was barely concious and I had weird jolting spasms every few seconds. They put me in the emergency room until they could get me a bed and gave me some intense pain medication that was absolutely wonderful.
I was finally moved to my own room where I could sleep the rest of the night. The next morning my fever was about the same and my head and body aches were just as intense. They gave me vikaden, morphine, and finally some other IV pain med that did the trick. The whole time my family was there beside me and my friends whether physically there or not were bringing me encouragement too. John (my soon to be brother in law) read to me from the Bible. I remember him reading from Psalm 91 and how comforting it was. My mom and sisters were there with me too and although I may not have seemed appreciative then, words cannot express how much it meant to me. My daddy was out of town but came later on, and I am so happy he got to come when he did. I had beautiful flowers and visitors from my church that I had never even met. I am SO incredibly thankful to those people who were there and who prayed for me. That alone was a humbling, blessed experience. I am so blessed beyond what I deserve!
Anyway, that next night was without a doubt the worst. My fever was still really high so they covered me in ice packs. It got to the point where I could not even move my hand to my head without feeling like I was going to puke. Alyssa Trammell was there with me most of that night though, putting wash clothes on my head and tending to my needs.
Being in the hospital is a very humbling experience. I was NOT allowed to get up from my bed because of my O2 levels and therefore had to be acquainted with the "bed pan." Yes, that is something I never expected to have to deal with at the age of 19, but then again I didn't expect to get the swine flu when I first heard of the outbreak. Haha... humbling experiences like that are just the thing to make you smile and thank God for the simple abilities that we have and take for granted.
By the next morning, my fever slowly went down and I, very gradually, started to get my appetite back (which is not easy to do with hospital food might I add). The next thing I faced was a nasty cough. I developed a persistent irritating cough that went on all through the night. Definitely haven't worked so hard to breathe ever before. During the next couple days in the hospital my cough gradually improved and my fever came and went, but eventually left completely.
Let me interject here and say that it wasn't until the third or fourth day in the hospital that the doctors found out that I had a case of the flu. When they did diagnose me with the flu they only knew I had Influenza A. I was not diagnosed with the Swine Flu until after I came home!
Anyway, as I gradually got to feeling better, my appetite came back and I could be off of my oxygen the doctors discussed when to let me go home. During the last four days or so I was in an isolation room. I got pretty stir crazy and when I got to come home, I was so thankful to get out of that room. All together, I was in the hospital one week.
In returning home I was introduced to insulin shots! My blood sugar level had risen since I had been in the hospital and now have to be monitored and treated with insulin. The reason for my high sugar levels is mainly due to my taking prednisone (it causes sugar levels to rise). I am currently still taking insulin and am not sure yet when or if I will be getting off of it.
I recentely visited the doctor and my lung fuction is at 47%, which isn't great but almost back to where it was before I went into the hospital (it was at 49% before). The doctors want me at my baseline though which is 55%. I am on 10mg of prednisone every other day now and hope to ween myself down to 5mg e.o.d. within the next month.
Right now my prayer is that my body could make enough of its own cortisol again so I will be able to get off of the prednisone for good. Also that my Aspergillosis could be under control so I won't have to continue to take prednisone.
While I am thankful for all the meds that are available to treat me, I also want to be on as less as possible. Prednisone has some nasty side effects and to be honest, it is very tiresome being on this steriod. I know God has things under control though, I just need to keep trusting.
So yeah, I survived the Swine flu! And God was the one who sustained me through it even when I didn't know I had it!
A quick update from my first year at college: I have not known true peace before this
I would not hesitate to say that the past year has been the most challenging for me health-wise. A year ago I was just starting my freshman year at Biola University. The first year in college was some of the hardest months of my life emotionally, spiritually and physically. It's funny though, before I started school God gave me a verse over and over again and I knew that it was an important one. Isaiah 43:18-19 says "But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Don't you see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." I will return to this again later on to show how perfectly God answered this promise.
Toward the end of October 2008 I started my 8th round of IV antibiotics (2nd time using my port). I have been taking them every four months now for preventative maintenance. It was good timing to be due for my next round of IV meds, because I wasn't feeling too super. The day that I started them I coughed up some blood and I just assumed I had an infection going and this was perfect timing to start my antibiotics. I was originally supposed to be on them for 3 weeks. But the day before the third week was supposed to be over I coughed up more blood. I called the doctor and he said to go for one more week just to make sure that the infection was taken care of. So I went one more week. I finished on thanksgiving; I was very thankful needless to say. However, the following monday, I coughed up more blood! I had coughed up blood in the past, but never before this frequent. I called the dr. and made an appointment for the following week. Meanwhile during the week I had of waiting, each day I began feeling worse and worse. By the end of the week I felt more sick than I had before I had even started my IV antibiotics. I don't think I had ever felt worse actually. I was also dealing with a lot of things in my walk with God, a lot of joylessness. The day before my next dr. appointment God did some awesome things and intervened in that area. This was so amazing, because although I had no idea what was in store for me at the doctor, God did and restored my joy and trust in Him that night before.
The following day at the dr. I found out that my lung function had gone down lower than it had ever been - it was around 41% of normal. They said that they would give me a week to do as many treatments as I could and then they would decide whether I should be hospitalized or not. I had never been hospitalized before and didn't really desire to be any time soon. On car ride home from the doctor I began pouring our all my fears and unceratinties to God in prayer. As I did I felt God's presence there with me in that car - I have never known peace before that moment.
That next week should have been the hardest week of the entire semester; I felt very sick, I faced having to be hospitalized and missing my family Christmas get together, and final were just a week away. With all these things considered I should have been a wreck, but in all honesty, that week was the best week of my entire semester- year probably! The reason: I felt near to God, my eyes were fixed on His glory and faithfulness, and He gave me the type of peace and joy that this world cannot give. It was ridiculous joy!
In returning to the dr. I found out that I would not have to go into the hospital (praise God!) becuase I had Allergic Broncho Pulmonary Aspergillosis. Or an allergic reaction to a fungus. This was to be treated with steriods (Prednisone and Itraconazole) and therefore would not benefit much from a hospital stay. And so my adventure with steroids began!
Going back to the Bible verse from Isaiah that I mentioned before. That first semester was without a doubt extremely hard. I was in the depths of the wilderness and dry wasteland, but God faithfully provided a pathway through that wilderness and a river through the dry wasteland. He is my Deliverer and Sustainer, My Prince of Peace (and now I finally know the depth behind that title). Every time I am reminded of that time I can't help but be in awe of my awesome Creator! Once again...Beauty from Ashes.
Toward the end of October 2008 I started my 8th round of IV antibiotics (2nd time using my port). I have been taking them every four months now for preventative maintenance. It was good timing to be due for my next round of IV meds, because I wasn't feeling too super. The day that I started them I coughed up some blood and I just assumed I had an infection going and this was perfect timing to start my antibiotics. I was originally supposed to be on them for 3 weeks. But the day before the third week was supposed to be over I coughed up more blood. I called the doctor and he said to go for one more week just to make sure that the infection was taken care of. So I went one more week. I finished on thanksgiving; I was very thankful needless to say. However, the following monday, I coughed up more blood! I had coughed up blood in the past, but never before this frequent. I called the dr. and made an appointment for the following week. Meanwhile during the week I had of waiting, each day I began feeling worse and worse. By the end of the week I felt more sick than I had before I had even started my IV antibiotics. I don't think I had ever felt worse actually. I was also dealing with a lot of things in my walk with God, a lot of joylessness. The day before my next dr. appointment God did some awesome things and intervened in that area. This was so amazing, because although I had no idea what was in store for me at the doctor, God did and restored my joy and trust in Him that night before.
The following day at the dr. I found out that my lung function had gone down lower than it had ever been - it was around 41% of normal. They said that they would give me a week to do as many treatments as I could and then they would decide whether I should be hospitalized or not. I had never been hospitalized before and didn't really desire to be any time soon. On car ride home from the doctor I began pouring our all my fears and unceratinties to God in prayer. As I did I felt God's presence there with me in that car - I have never known peace before that moment.
That next week should have been the hardest week of the entire semester; I felt very sick, I faced having to be hospitalized and missing my family Christmas get together, and final were just a week away. With all these things considered I should have been a wreck, but in all honesty, that week was the best week of my entire semester- year probably! The reason: I felt near to God, my eyes were fixed on His glory and faithfulness, and He gave me the type of peace and joy that this world cannot give. It was ridiculous joy!
In returning to the dr. I found out that I would not have to go into the hospital (praise God!) becuase I had Allergic Broncho Pulmonary Aspergillosis. Or an allergic reaction to a fungus. This was to be treated with steriods (Prednisone and Itraconazole) and therefore would not benefit much from a hospital stay. And so my adventure with steroids began!
Going back to the Bible verse from Isaiah that I mentioned before. That first semester was without a doubt extremely hard. I was in the depths of the wilderness and dry wasteland, but God faithfully provided a pathway through that wilderness and a river through the dry wasteland. He is my Deliverer and Sustainer, My Prince of Peace (and now I finally know the depth behind that title). Every time I am reminded of that time I can't help but be in awe of my awesome Creator! Once again...Beauty from Ashes.
Cystic Fibrosis: What should be something ugly, God has made beautiful
For those of you who know me, you know that I was born with Cystic Fibrosis (CF). CF is a genetic disorder that affects the lungs and digestive system, creating abnormally thick mucus. The thick mucus causes inflammation in the lungs, infection, and eventually lung damage. It also causes digestive complications, making it hard to absorb the proper nutrients causing difficulty in weight gain. It requires constant treatment and there is currently no cure. The average life expectancy is about 40 years for someone born in 1990 (the year I was born). But there are people who live longer too of course. I am just trusting that as long as I do my part to take care of myself, God will have me here on this earth for as long as He needs me to be here. There is an incredible freedom that comes with fixing your eyes upon Jesus! ("You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you..." Isaiah 26:3).
These are some of my favorite verses that I want to share:
"Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health my fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:25-26
"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair." Isaiah 61:3
"'My grace is all you need, My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me...When I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This will be an account of my health stories and how God has and will continue to bring beauty from my ashes. God did not promise that this world would be easy or that He would spare us from hardships, but He did promise to walk by our side through every minute of everyday. Through the storms and the fire, He promised to carry us through in His arms, just as a Father would his child, and that's just what He has done in my life. (See Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 43:2 and John 16:33). He is our Abba Father, Prince of Peace and Sovereign God.
These are some of my favorite verses that I want to share:
"Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health my fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:25-26
"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair." Isaiah 61:3
"'My grace is all you need, My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me...When I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This will be an account of my health stories and how God has and will continue to bring beauty from my ashes. God did not promise that this world would be easy or that He would spare us from hardships, but He did promise to walk by our side through every minute of everyday. Through the storms and the fire, He promised to carry us through in His arms, just as a Father would his child, and that's just what He has done in my life. (See Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 43:2 and John 16:33). He is our Abba Father, Prince of Peace and Sovereign God.
Not About Me
I am making this blog with the intention that it be about God, not me. I find that it is all too easy to make things about me, seeking to glorify myself, but there is no point in that. The very breath that I am taking right now is only a result of God's grace and sustaining power. Everything that I write in this blog is because of Jesus Christ and the immense grace that He continually pours out upon me; He carries me through every storm and He has brought beauty from my ashes more times than I can count.
"As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Becuase of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world's interest in me has also died." Galatians 6:14
"It is not that we think that we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant." 2 Cor. 3:5-6
"I came to you in weakness - timid and trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God."
1 Cor. 2:3-5
This is for you, my Precious Savior! Be glorified!
"As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Becuase of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world's interest in me has also died." Galatians 6:14
"It is not that we think that we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant." 2 Cor. 3:5-6
"I came to you in weakness - timid and trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God."
1 Cor. 2:3-5
This is for you, my Precious Savior! Be glorified!
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